Is Jet Li a Singaporean?

The multi-racial cacophony harmonized the diversity of skin tones and attire with the distinct aromas of myriad distinctly South Indian spices tantalizingly wafting around the Banana Leaf restaurant. In combination they teased and assailed my senses as I waited for Fellow Trainer (FT). As if to spotlight this microcosm of globalization, the Sunday paper speculated on delectable Beijing-born, China-bred, Hong Kong star, Hollywood box-office heart-throb, Jet Li's move to South East Asian Singapore to acquire citizenship and its benefits for his family.

Weaving in and out among us. accomplished waiters in western-styled white shirts and black trousers balanced typically Indian metal trays of thosai and chutneys, plonked newly-washed bright green banana leaves on tables, and served steaming coffee with fresh cow's milk and fragrant masala tea to accompany the array of deliciously spiced vegetables, fish and meat.

To my left was a table of 12 smartly dressed Asians of varying ages, speaking in the Malaysian English of post-colonial days. Attention-getting grey-haired Alpha Male was cheerfully holding court, loudly exchanging happy banter and good-humouredly teasing his group while taking a stream of phone calls from well-wishers for Father's Day, to the amusement of the rest of the restaurant. He was surrounded by what appeared to be his admiring wife, adult children and their smiling friends - after a church service, judging by his conversation.

At my home church earlier, my MM2H (Malaysia My 2nd Home) friend - originally from Sri Lanka - told of an upcoming holiday to where her Scottish husband had been born. "Are you going home?" I asked. "No" she smilingly replied "This is home now." She herself had moved from then-Ceylon and been bred in England and speaks impeccably, and these Britons have now happily settled in Kuala Lumpur, establishing Malaysia as their home, where their family visits them.

In the far corner, a traditionally dressed Indian-looking family in multi-hued clothes was having a late breakfast and was chatting animatedly amongst themselves in a mix of expressive Tamil and accented English. In front of me were a group of twenty-somethings of Chinese origin wearing shorts, mini-skirts, slippers, t-shirts and skimpy tops, speaking the Manglish embraced by the student population who aren't yet exposed to a variety of other cultures. When (ethnic Chinese) FT appeared, he was dressed casually in a t-shirt, jeans and a cap, while I was still in my semi-formal church clothes. We shared our thoughts deeply, well into tea time, using the standard international English that is our comfort zone.

Later on as Alpha Male contentedly swaggered out in his snug denim jeans and crisp long-sleeved shirt (an irresisitable combination, don't you think?) he triggered my memory of another Alpha Male. Intrigued when we first met by the uncharacteristic honey-tone of his complexion and doe-shaped eyes of this Trainer-Coach, I had looked up his clan and round that they had originated from the Middle East centuries ago, and migrated to China - hence the Chinese clan name - before settling in then-Malaya and establishing themselves here.

And, just a few days ago I had so easily re-connected with charming fellow Indian Diaspora-an, she (born and bred in England) and I (born and bred in Malaysia) having struck an immediate rapport when we met only a couple of months ago. Why? Because we are of similar Indian origins and share an affinity for bothe England as well as Malaysia. Aren't deep-rooted emotions evocatively fascinating?

"Breathes there a man whose soul so dead, never to himself has said, 'This is my own, my native land'." (Sir Walter Scott 1771-1832). But WHERE is one's native land today? Place of ethnic origin, or where ones's heart is, or is it just the place of one's permanent address?

The Wild Child

Her huge doe-eyes looked so sad; she was leaving in 24 hours. Her skin looked wan; from a month of partying with people she hadn’t seen for 3 years; as usual her broad smile dazzled. She looked tired; but had dashed out to meet me for lunch at the elite restaurant I’d picked to snatch some private catch-up time before returning to her other home on another continent. We had deliberately squeezed space to have this brief time to share. People around saw only 2 ordinary women a generation apart lunching elegantly, but Niece and I have a common bond of an unspoken understanding forged over the years.

As a child she had reached out to me when others deemed her to be a problem, and then as now, I recognized parts of myself in her and so was able to respond. You know, a wild streak needs more than most people can handle with nurture, and we cannot handle it alone. It is an innate streak that is unasked for but must be lived with and managed, somehow. Relatives, like society often looked at her with wonderment because she shockingly bucks the trend. But they had done the same with Cousin (her father), and with me and with my father, and my daughters too. So we live and learn how best to cope by juggling and balancing, teetering and tottering.

As she ate her food as correctly as any book on etiquette would recommend, my mind filled with the words I’d heard a mere couple of hours before “To you it’s all about protocols, etiquette,
procedures and everything else that if practiced to a tee, everyone might as well just stand still and not move at all.” Oh honey! If only you knew. BUT you can’t be allowed to know. We all live in a world of consequences that stay with us for a lifetime. In a perfect world Alan Shore – the t.v. character of Boston Legal who amuses me – achieves justice for society while engaging in the most irreverent dialogues that he does not get penalized for! What a delicious fantasy!

But if you are not a fictitious character, well ………….. There had been one of my MBA lecturers – what a Wild Child! Naturally superlatively brilliant, his impartations were par excellence and we his students benefited greatly from it. But his dark side gave him so much pleasure that he could not balance the two. Sadly he lost the respect of most of his colleagues and students. Genius Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart did not fare too well either.

My Dad however, expertly juggled and managed the many facets of who he was, and left an eternal legacy of respect, whether it was grudging or not. Cousin too has made his mark, is extremely successful, and celebrated his daughters’ visit with the largesse he has industriously earned; like letting off fireworks at her lavish party at his mansion. Has he been delighted by her previous wildness? Absolutely not at all. BUT that is where unconditional love comes into play, and evokes the freedom of the Wild Child to choose responsibly instead of rebelliously.

You see, it’s safe for the Wild Child to come out only when surrounded by unconditional love; not by expectations – just unconditional love. And because that is rare, social norms just have to prevail for most of the time – we do need to show respect as part of showing our love to whomever. Thank you God, for the people who do love even the jarring Me. Do you feel that way too, Wild Child?

Niece, come back again soon so that we can talk and laugh with abandon at what only we seem to find humorous! Daughters, let’s continue to make time and space for benign, wicked, hilarity! Yes, God loves us just the way we are.

Is there Poison in Your Food?

I pulled over to the side of the road to take the call – my pulse beats raced and my heart began sinking in disbelief as I heard the words “My partner says don’t do it. He knows that it won’t work.”

Just a couple of days before I had explained to Bizman and Wife, whom I’d known for many years, how he could start increasing the number of business projects he gets, with the accompanying evidence of how the strategy has already been working sustainably for decades. No, I don’t get paid for any of this. In fact it is done at my own expense of time and money for transport as well as the accompanying refreshments at meetings. My friends ask me why I bother to make the effort.

Well, remember Ngahi – the man in a previous blog, who had determinedly had his face tattooed to proclaim his purpose? His challenge to his listeners had been to identify “what makes you weep?” and then to unwaveringly work to address that particular issue, as a personal mission. From him I understood that it takes both persistence and pain to act to reduce the weeping. For me the weeping comes from knowing that every human has access to greater inner joy and outer prosperity, but needs others who are willing to show them the access points, and to lead them through, if they indeed have in themselves the willingness to step up to the next level of personal fulfillment. It is People who are my passion and Ngahi drove home to me that it will take a lifetime of painful persistence to reduce the weeping if I am serious about being true to myself.

So, I had offered to introduce Bizman and Wife to a group of people who would be willing to commit themselves to learning more about what they do, and to recommending their services to those to whom they already do business with. Isn’t it magical to have credible people refer business from their own networks to you? They believed so too and made their own commitment to check the opportunity out. BUT like the serpent in Eden, their trusted Bizpartner sowed the seeds of doubt in their minds, and they become torn between fear of potential loss and stepping up to potential gain.

Familiar, isn’t it? You’ve been there too, haven’t you? The seductively pretty faces of trusted feelings, comfort zones and pleasant familiarity can be the narcotics that keep us from realizing that we are willingly consuming toxic arsenic – it shows no trace in our food, you know. Often arsenic is detected only at autopsies i.e. after death has already occurred and its too late for resuscitation.

I decided to take the bull by the horns, and invite Bizpartner to come along to meet the group too. Will he dare to call his own bluff? We’ll see if he does show up won’t we! Hopefully he will, and can then take some steps up for himself too. If he wants to, that is.

Oh those pretty faces in our lives that cleverly tickle our egos and so artfully please us all!

This is How We Get the $ Due

The Project Director (PD) phoned immediately after receiving my text message, even though it was the weekend! “Oh! I had NO idea!” And I do believe that he was indeed telling the truth.

Weeks earlier, I had completed what was asked of me without any hitch. The Project Manager (PM) was present towards the end of what we were working on, and was supposed to hand over the payment by cheque. The same company had done this before and I was quite comfortable with the arrangement.

At the end of this job though – it was very late at night because of problems with their equipment – PD said that PM had forgotten to get the boss to sign the cheque before he left, and to leave my banking details so that she could deposit it into my account. That too was quite acceptable. Like the rest of us she had been focusing on getting the job completed by a very tight deadline. BUT a whole week later? Nothing had been banked in. Aaaargh! What a terrible nuisance.

However, what became disconcerting is when no one would pick up the phone when I called. HUH? Something’s not quite right is it? So I went down to the office to investigate. The staff were in the dark about the matter, and very helpfully called the HQ, where this time the phone was answered (for a familiar caller id ha ha) PM then said the boss was overseas and would be back the following Tuesday, and she would get the check signed and bank it in on Wednesday. Hmmm – this was beginning to sound familiar, but okay – these things do happen sometimes, don’t they? Just maybe he had flown off without being accessible to his staff?

But Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – no payment. This was not funny anymore, so my PA – using our office number, called to investigate. Her experience was not in the least bit comforting, to put it mildly. She was transferred back and forth from the Accounts to the PM – it seemed neither wanted to handle the hot potato! And finally – do you know what she was told? “We don’t know when the cheque will be ready, we will call you” What was that original statment about the cheque being ready during the job but was unsigned?

Now this was an abomination!!! Totally unacceptable. So PM received an emailed letter from me which was copied to my lawyer, and the PD got a gentle text message from me saying that regrettably the matter would be passed onto my lawyer if payment was not made within X days. Bingo! His immediate reaction was to phone me reassuring that he would personally see to the cheque being banked into my account pronto. And it was. You know – of course you do, this is not the first occurrence of this sort for me or countless others. (You too?)

Why? Why? Why? Do finance people in particular have no qualms about saying things they don’t mean? When, when, when will finance people understand that because of their tactics, there WILL be types of retaliation that will either raise the cost of their doing business, or lower the quality of the resources they get and ultimately affect their own products? Sigh.

Integrity IS bankable, people! Trust and dependability reduce costs and raise quality. That’s precisely why word-of-mouth (WOM) business referrals are the MOST prized and sought after – they are the most effective method of marketing a business can engage in because reputations and survival are at stake.

INTEGRITY IS BANKABLE! :D

The Claims Manager said “Because xxxxxxx , we believe that the claims are genuine we will be approving them.” Oh? His words alerted me that from his view there might have been an attempt to defraud. In fact, very probably a large part of his job is to guard his company from fraudulent claims! And this would subsequently have to translate into expensive protective measures at the cost of the honest. Huh! So, what’s new, Sherlock?

That mental jolt to reality had my head spinning towards the surrounding circumstances. If insurance companies have to contend with realizing that the workshops on their panel just might be colluding with unscrupulous owners to make unnecessary gains, then they would naturally have to act with suspicion and not trust. Aha! This is very useful to being more insightful when giving responses in my work as a Management Consultant. Gives Risk Management a greater dimension than is obvious, doesn’t it? And this simply raises the cost of doing business as - is true of all unfair practices. Incidentally, the damage to my car looked worse than it was, and cost the insurance company only a small sum by any standards, thank God!

Remember when part of my documentation to make the claims had been withheld from me, and I was told that I had to “get that particular report only from the one officer”? Why? When they could have been released by any authorized officer and not just one? The proverbial penny was beginning to drop as to why it was more expensive to have the workshop collect the documents. Hmmmm.

Yes indeed. My recent car accident was roughly shaking me up into the realities of what doing business means for many people. By God’s Grace, I have not had much experience with sordid transactions, but He obviously thinks that it is time for me to be educated in life at this level and to stop being naïve if I want to be a constructive participant of communal living, and to continue to campaign actively but realistically for accountability at all levels.

“Supply and Demand’ kept ringing in my ears - no supply unless there is a demand eh? In Utopia, costs would only be fair and not ‘loaded’ by risk management. But Utopia seems to keep drifting further into galaxies beyond reach. The cost of refusing demands can be destructive to one’s ambitions, after all. I’m also beginning to understand why some people refer to ‘inflexibility’ as a barrier to getting things done peaceably. Sweetening the lips of the Kitchen God is a more common practice, finding favor with Expediency. But WHO pays the eventual price?

But, But, But, this form of expediency gives rise to higher $ costs, higher levels of suspicion, and will consequently result in higher levels of stress, costing heath related expenditure! Isn’t it so much simpler, cheaper – and joyous too - to be able to take someone at their word? What an easy life to be able to bet $ on someone to because of their integrity! Due to the global exposure of corporate misconduct in recent years, integrity has become a very timely form of economic management, with formal courses on it being conducted e.g. the Integrity Pacts between public and private sectors in jointly managing projects.

‘Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive’ wrote Robert Burns (1759 – 1796); especially if it is ourselves whom we are kidding.