Elusive Decisions

She sounded shrill and at the end of her tether “Yes! I know it is difficult for you – but you HAVE to make a decision!!” “Of course it is not easy for me too – but you must make up your mind already!!!!” Oops! It sounded like a trying situation was being discussed, to say the least.

Colleague was late (as he usually is, so what’s new?) so I had opened the newspaper to scan it at leisure while waiting. Our meeting place of choice was pleasantly devoid of customers at that hour, so we would be able to have a discussion in a civil and conducive atmosphere. I hadn’t a clue WHY he wanted us to meet, but, anything in the interest of forging good working relationships ey? I ordered a drink and a snack and prepared to enjoy some peaceful solitude with muzak gently teasing my ears and playfully evoking warm and fuzzy emotions. What a blissful morning respite from a hectic week.

Seated by the picture window, I saw a well-toned muscular man open the door and stride in confidently, bulging out of his snug t-shirt. In contrast however, he seemed to be looking a tad sheepish, the way he smiled. Well, I went back to my paper, facing the window. Several minutes later an attractive, well-groomed woman dressed in casual but smart clothes was crossing the road and coming towards me, looking very purposeful. Her clear complexion and glossy hair did nothing to hide the grim, set look on her face which detracted from her fresh-faced beauty. She approached, aha! - she was headed for the restaurant! Still very purposeful, she opened the door and walked over to the man. No greeting. Oh dear! Something’s amiss there; please, please don’t spoil my peaceful morning?

Well, the animated conversation (on her part anyway) was hard to ignore. He was trying to softly counter what she was saying. Were they an item having a spat? Or just 2 colleagues caught in an impossible tangle of events? I wondered; not that it was my business, but it was really hard to ignore the shrill interjections. Being ever so polite (ha ha – it’s that Convent school indoctrination, you know), I buried my head in the paper and pretended not to hear the conversation, but her anxious decibels made that rather difficult. The smoothie was barely audible though, surprise, surprise. And what was he trying to gloss over?

As they continued to tussle over whatever it was they were struggling with, my mind began to wander and gravitate towards a situation that had been tormenting me for yonks! You see, it is usually easy for me to arrive at the crux of what is bothering me and then address it clinically. But this situation was different. For months I have been agonizing over whether it was the circumstances or the central figure that has gotten under my skin. But my usually sharp analytical abilities continued to fail me! Why? That does NOT happen to my clear thought patterns. WHAT is going on? Unclear diagnostics meant that preparing a response has been out of the question. Isn’t it simply perplexing when one can’t get to the bottom of things?!!!! Should I respond to the circumstances, or to the central figure around whom events swirl?

By the time they left ages later, the couple had not seemed to have resolved anything. And I too am resigned to taking just one day at a time, allowing things to unfold or unravel or consolidate or whatever. Sigh! Why are the answers so elusive this time? Oh well. I suppose patience begets character. Some (grudging) consolation there perhaps; sniff and pout.