Remember that childhood question? It gets answered on good days by outstretched arms with palms faaaaar apart crowned with a biiiiiiiig smile. On bad days it’s answered with trembling lips and a pout and a measure indicated only by the small distance between a forefinger and thumb. Oh yes! We all want to know HOW MUCH? We all want to know what our value is to another – how much worth do we carry in the other’s eyes? What is the evidence that we really matter?
So it was with 2 groups of adult learners with whom I was doing pilot projects using new media. Did they WANT to do it? Oh yes! Their eyes lit up with excitement and they beamed at me with eager anticipation at the novelty of learning using their mobile phones for support, at their own pace, in their own time. My senses too quivered with the delicious thrill of making a positive impact upon these groups. But what REALLY happened in the end?
Participants in both groups activated Facebook accounts so that they could access the assignments I posted, and respond to them too. You know what? Every time I’ve used this method I’ve received higher quality work because participants want to show off how well they can respond! What super joy! This is in contrast to the sometimes careless attempts that are submitted on a one-to-one basis. It actually raises the standard of communication that participants use and improves their performance to THEIR own delight! People just love it when they can be proud of what they do and get recognition for it. It’s about preening and positive visibility.
BUT, one group didn’t quite manage to get to enjoy the climax of the promising thrills. Busyness got in the way; so did tiredness and other priorities of the bump and grind of life. And on the last day their sheepish smiles registered how disappointed they were with themselves for not getting to the final goal. Sigh. The other group though, strutted themselves both on and offline, gleefully displaying their answers for each other as well as the rest of the world to see! Ooooooo they were SO gleeful about having something to show off and get recognition for! Preen, preen, strut,strut.
What made the difference? It was MEASUREMENT. The first group was not going to be assessed for the quality of their answers, while the second group was. And as educators, we learnt our lesson right there. No matter what the context, humans really, really want to know “How much do you value me? How will you show it?”
Hmmmmmm okay, this was a classroom exercise in learning, but look around and see what happens in real life. Do you see people wanting to be seen to be more able than, or to have more than or to even just feel that they are better than? Aha! So VERY telling isn’t it?
The next blog is about examples of the role of flattery, flirtation and innuendo in persuading and motivating people to believe they are special to get them to perform better than they would otherwise, so stay with me won’t you, as we peek at games people play? Wink and Smile.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
FEMALE LOGIC” He exclaimed!
2 Girlfriends (GF’s) were exchanging confidences while Spouse eavesdropped (as usual) and yeah, I was doing it too :). The news was that GF 1 was actually going on a date! So WHAT was the big deal? Well she was just plain fussy and GF 2 had been bugging her for yonks to get out there into the fun lights.
Fussy’s problem was well, she’s just plain fussy!!! She’s one of those people who is quite happy entertaining herself and others and gets a load of fun out her various routines. Yes you’re right – she’s just a tad strange it would seem, and manages to get a kick out of life without pairing up with someone(s) at the usual round of activities and places which many feel are a ‘must’ in order to be seen to be normal. And, somehow Fussy didn’t seem to feel like she was missing anything by not spinning the temperamental wheel of the Dating Game along with her friends and colleagues.
SO when she announced that she had actually accepted an invitation, well, well, well, this was NEWS. Of course GF 2 wanted to know what was so special about this guy. Ahem – and that’s the hilarious part. Really!
GF 2 “SO what’s he like, what does he do, how did you meet. And Fussy dutifully divulged the bare details. But when it came to “what’s he like?” she said:
GF 1 “Well I don’t really like him. He’s sort of creepy”
GF2 “What do you mean ‘creepy’? Then WHY are you going out with him?”
GF1 “Well, He was a bit too enthusiastic”
GF2 “Maybe he was impressed by you!”
GF1 “Weeeeeeell. I don’t know, really. I mean he’s okay but a bit forward”
GF 2 “Yes, AND? Why are you going, then? You know, this just doesn’t sound right”
GF1 “It’ll be okay”
GF2 “Well you don’t know that! In this day and age you’ve got to be careful, you know. I want you to leave word about exactly where you’ll be so that we can rescue you if necessary!”
GF1 “It’s okay – really! I’ve refused to let him fetch me and am driving myself”
GF 2 “Well you still haven’t said why you’re going out with this guy anyway. What’s up?”
GF1 “You’re ALWAYS bugging me to get out and he’s sort of okay, so I’m going. I mean it’s about time I refreshed my dating skills and I might as well practice on someone I’m not that keen on so that I won’t feel so bad if it doesn’t work out, see? If I like the guy and it turns out to be a bad date, THEN I’ll feel miserable.”
Well of course it was at this very point of their conversation that Spouse snorted in ‘PRACTICE?’ horror and exclaimed ‘female logic”! And the rest of us burst into peals of unstoppable laughter. OMG I wonder HOW her date will turn out; don’t you?
Fussy’s problem was well, she’s just plain fussy!!! She’s one of those people who is quite happy entertaining herself and others and gets a load of fun out her various routines. Yes you’re right – she’s just a tad strange it would seem, and manages to get a kick out of life without pairing up with someone(s) at the usual round of activities and places which many feel are a ‘must’ in order to be seen to be normal. And, somehow Fussy didn’t seem to feel like she was missing anything by not spinning the temperamental wheel of the Dating Game along with her friends and colleagues.
SO when she announced that she had actually accepted an invitation, well, well, well, this was NEWS. Of course GF 2 wanted to know what was so special about this guy. Ahem – and that’s the hilarious part. Really!
GF 2 “SO what’s he like, what does he do, how did you meet. And Fussy dutifully divulged the bare details. But when it came to “what’s he like?” she said:
GF 1 “Well I don’t really like him. He’s sort of creepy”
GF2 “What do you mean ‘creepy’? Then WHY are you going out with him?”
GF1 “Well, He was a bit too enthusiastic”
GF2 “Maybe he was impressed by you!”
GF1 “Weeeeeeell. I don’t know, really. I mean he’s okay but a bit forward”
GF 2 “Yes, AND? Why are you going, then? You know, this just doesn’t sound right”
GF1 “It’ll be okay”
GF2 “Well you don’t know that! In this day and age you’ve got to be careful, you know. I want you to leave word about exactly where you’ll be so that we can rescue you if necessary!”
GF1 “It’s okay – really! I’ve refused to let him fetch me and am driving myself”
GF 2 “Well you still haven’t said why you’re going out with this guy anyway. What’s up?”
GF1 “You’re ALWAYS bugging me to get out and he’s sort of okay, so I’m going. I mean it’s about time I refreshed my dating skills and I might as well practice on someone I’m not that keen on so that I won’t feel so bad if it doesn’t work out, see? If I like the guy and it turns out to be a bad date, THEN I’ll feel miserable.”
Well of course it was at this very point of their conversation that Spouse snorted in ‘PRACTICE?’ horror and exclaimed ‘female logic”! And the rest of us burst into peals of unstoppable laughter. OMG I wonder HOW her date will turn out; don’t you?
Friday, September 18, 2009
The same Coin with 2 Sides bonded by the Rim
Owner, Manager and I - luxuriated in an elegant English afternoon tea on the spacious verandah overlooking the sprawling mature garden of a stately home, while a harpist softly plucked soothingly in the plush décor of the drawing room inside. They chose classic, clean, Assam while I sipped my favored aromatic, sensuous Early Grey; reflective of our personalities, perhaps? Ahhh! Deceptive bliss! Different persons, varying (perhaps even conflicting) agendas but with one purpose – to foster better cohesion among the business communities we serve within.
This surprising Tea was spawned by my Reason’s urgency to resolve issues at the soonest possible, while the opportunity still presented itself. It was the result of hours of building bridges, to cement them face-to-face. As I (the shuttle diplomat) played host, explaining the various daintily presented courses, my mind sped to and from the days of training and discussions we’d just completed, about moving the groups forward. I listened as Owner and Manager shared stories of their international experiences with other groups under the same umbrella. Tick, tick, tick went my brain – cultural differences demand segmented positioning, I silently decided. One size simply cannot fit all. Hmmmmm.
But you know, here’s the funny ha ha part – the situation made me think of 2 F&B establishments in London – the Ivy and the Pear Tree. Okay, so you may have heard of the Ivy in central London. This is where glam celebrities get spotted, and it caters to the smart business set and ogling tourists. Now the Pear Tree – that’s a VERY different kettle of fish – it’s a pub that is frequented by a different social class who physically perspire at their work, and their suppliers too. Its attraction was a gaudy stripper at lunchtime on weekdays, when they are heavily patronized. Both the Ivy and the Pear Tree serve Food and Beverages, but provide vastly differing entertainment (ogling at either the glamorous or the gaudy) set in an ambience (posh or basic) that makes their clientele feel at ease so that they return for more. Talk about cleverly securing customer loyalty huh?
And then there’s us, discussing the pulls and tugs of our varying roles. Why? So that we could achieve delivering sustainable profitability to each member in our care; that after all is why they come on board anyway. Or is it? Oh, what the hey – that’s a separate issue anyway. The crux of the issue is to provide appropriate standardized platforms that can be differentiated to suit the culture of each group.
Amid discussions, Manager cast an unfavorable eye over the dainty dish cuddling the crème brulee and decided to skip it. ‘Not MY cup of tea!’ she said, BUT she had never even tried it before! Coaxed by Owner and me she tentatively dipped a corner of a delicate silver spoon into the edge of the trembling yellow confection, and placed a teeny tiny bit onto her expectant tongue. Ooooo! Surprisingly delicious! She actually finished her cupful with delighted relish. YES she did!
That encapsulated the theme of the our discussion for me: Offer the fixed structural set (afternoon tea), and then – without compromising those principles that are set in stone (3 varying courses introduced by the staple scones, double cream & fresh strawberries accompanied by a range of flavored teas) – flexibly keep adjusting (“oh, do try the crème brulee won’t you?”) and re-adjusting the ambience, entertainment, décor, food etc to give people an experience they just can’t resist keep coming back for more to. That’s the supreme marketing mix, isn’t it! SMILE. But uh-huh you've got it, it takes the professionalism of a juggler to carry it off well – that’s what separates the good from the brilliant anyway.
This surprising Tea was spawned by my Reason’s urgency to resolve issues at the soonest possible, while the opportunity still presented itself. It was the result of hours of building bridges, to cement them face-to-face. As I (the shuttle diplomat) played host, explaining the various daintily presented courses, my mind sped to and from the days of training and discussions we’d just completed, about moving the groups forward. I listened as Owner and Manager shared stories of their international experiences with other groups under the same umbrella. Tick, tick, tick went my brain – cultural differences demand segmented positioning, I silently decided. One size simply cannot fit all. Hmmmmm.
But you know, here’s the funny ha ha part – the situation made me think of 2 F&B establishments in London – the Ivy and the Pear Tree. Okay, so you may have heard of the Ivy in central London. This is where glam celebrities get spotted, and it caters to the smart business set and ogling tourists. Now the Pear Tree – that’s a VERY different kettle of fish – it’s a pub that is frequented by a different social class who physically perspire at their work, and their suppliers too. Its attraction was a gaudy stripper at lunchtime on weekdays, when they are heavily patronized. Both the Ivy and the Pear Tree serve Food and Beverages, but provide vastly differing entertainment (ogling at either the glamorous or the gaudy) set in an ambience (posh or basic) that makes their clientele feel at ease so that they return for more. Talk about cleverly securing customer loyalty huh?
And then there’s us, discussing the pulls and tugs of our varying roles. Why? So that we could achieve delivering sustainable profitability to each member in our care; that after all is why they come on board anyway. Or is it? Oh, what the hey – that’s a separate issue anyway. The crux of the issue is to provide appropriate standardized platforms that can be differentiated to suit the culture of each group.
Amid discussions, Manager cast an unfavorable eye over the dainty dish cuddling the crème brulee and decided to skip it. ‘Not MY cup of tea!’ she said, BUT she had never even tried it before! Coaxed by Owner and me she tentatively dipped a corner of a delicate silver spoon into the edge of the trembling yellow confection, and placed a teeny tiny bit onto her expectant tongue. Ooooo! Surprisingly delicious! She actually finished her cupful with delighted relish. YES she did!
That encapsulated the theme of the our discussion for me: Offer the fixed structural set (afternoon tea), and then – without compromising those principles that are set in stone (3 varying courses introduced by the staple scones, double cream & fresh strawberries accompanied by a range of flavored teas) – flexibly keep adjusting (“oh, do try the crème brulee won’t you?”) and re-adjusting the ambience, entertainment, décor, food etc to give people an experience they just can’t resist keep coming back for more to. That’s the supreme marketing mix, isn’t it! SMILE. But uh-huh you've got it, it takes the professionalism of a juggler to carry it off well – that’s what separates the good from the brilliant anyway.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Oh NO! That didn't really happen did it?
On day 2 of my workshop in Writing, the most experienced participant did not show up (she’d been bright and early on Day 1 you know). Half an hour later – still no Ms. Professional. Hmmmm …….. maybe she’d had enough on the first day? But no, there we were, giggling in the midst of a raucous ball throwing activity (mind what you’re thinking now – we were actually reviewing information, so there!) when she walks in looking rather casually dressed, but sportingly jumped right into the activity anyway. We were having FUN and she wasn’t going to miss any of it!
I’d spotted her as someone who had vast experience with writing a wide range of office correspondence – her grammar and syntax were fine. So, WHY was she a part of the course? In her words, it was about improving the tone of her writing. Happens to all of us I’m afraid. Start looking at a sheet of paper or a screen, and somehow the writing tends to become stilted instead of natural. But I’d run her through an exercise on Day 1 that had her squealing with delight at the new her in written form, so, that’s why I wondered if she’d had enough; mission accomplished, ‘no need for more classwork’ sort of decision.
After the ball throwing / info review, she starkly yet smilingly announced to the rest of us “I had overslept” Huh? Someone as ‘together’ as she was could oversleep? HOW on earth had that happened?!!!
You know, at the start of each workshop I always ask the class to switch their phones to ‘silent’ mode, and that is of course what she had done. But she’d forgotten to revert to sound mode, and had not heard her alarm ha ha ha oops! That is something that could have happened to anyone of us, really. “I was wondering why I had not received any calls” she laughingly announced to us, making it a hilarious episode instead of an awkward one. She had woken late and obviously jumped into her clothes and car and sped to join us asap, peak hour traffic and all. Wonderful attitude!
You know, it was SO heartwarming to see the transformation from the reserved pro of day 1 to the still-professional- but-light-hearted person of day 2. She was a real source of encouragement to us all. In her new-found candour, she told us that she had begun with several reservations which had melted away along with the practical activities. And she had got exactly what she had wanted and was delighted. The transformation in her was a joy to behold! Talk about taking things in one’s stride? She truly was a REAL professional, with a great sense of humour to boot!
Hey, is YOUR phone still on silent mode?
I’d spotted her as someone who had vast experience with writing a wide range of office correspondence – her grammar and syntax were fine. So, WHY was she a part of the course? In her words, it was about improving the tone of her writing. Happens to all of us I’m afraid. Start looking at a sheet of paper or a screen, and somehow the writing tends to become stilted instead of natural. But I’d run her through an exercise on Day 1 that had her squealing with delight at the new her in written form, so, that’s why I wondered if she’d had enough; mission accomplished, ‘no need for more classwork’ sort of decision.
After the ball throwing / info review, she starkly yet smilingly announced to the rest of us “I had overslept” Huh? Someone as ‘together’ as she was could oversleep? HOW on earth had that happened?!!!
You know, at the start of each workshop I always ask the class to switch their phones to ‘silent’ mode, and that is of course what she had done. But she’d forgotten to revert to sound mode, and had not heard her alarm ha ha ha oops! That is something that could have happened to anyone of us, really. “I was wondering why I had not received any calls” she laughingly announced to us, making it a hilarious episode instead of an awkward one. She had woken late and obviously jumped into her clothes and car and sped to join us asap, peak hour traffic and all. Wonderful attitude!
You know, it was SO heartwarming to see the transformation from the reserved pro of day 1 to the still-professional- but-light-hearted person of day 2. She was a real source of encouragement to us all. In her new-found candour, she told us that she had begun with several reservations which had melted away along with the practical activities. And she had got exactly what she had wanted and was delighted. The transformation in her was a joy to behold! Talk about taking things in one’s stride? She truly was a REAL professional, with a great sense of humour to boot!
Hey, is YOUR phone still on silent mode?
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