HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?

Remember that childhood question? It gets answered on good days by outstretched arms with palms faaaaar apart crowned with a biiiiiiiig smile. On bad days it’s answered with trembling lips and a pout and a measure indicated only by the small distance between a forefinger and thumb. Oh yes! We all want to know HOW MUCH? We all want to know what our value is to another – how much worth do we carry in the other’s eyes? What is the evidence that we really matter?

So it was with 2 groups of adult learners with whom I was doing pilot projects using new media. Did they WANT to do it? Oh yes! Their eyes lit up with excitement and they beamed at me with eager anticipation at the novelty of learning using their mobile phones for support, at their own pace, in their own time. My senses too quivered with the delicious thrill of making a positive impact upon these groups. But what REALLY happened in the end?

Participants in both groups activated Facebook accounts so that they could access the assignments I posted, and respond to them too. You know what? Every time I’ve used this method I’ve received higher quality work because participants want to show off how well they can respond! What super joy! This is in contrast to the sometimes careless attempts that are submitted on a one-to-one basis. It actually raises the standard of communication that participants use and improves their performance to THEIR own delight! People just love it when they can be proud of what they do and get recognition for it. It’s about preening and positive visibility.

BUT, one group didn’t quite manage to get to enjoy the climax of the promising thrills. Busyness got in the way; so did tiredness and other priorities of the bump and grind of life. And on the last day their sheepish smiles registered how disappointed they were with themselves for not getting to the final goal. Sigh. The other group though, strutted themselves both on and offline, gleefully displaying their answers for each other as well as the rest of the world to see! Ooooooo they were SO gleeful about having something to show off and get recognition for! Preen, preen, strut,strut.

What made the difference? It was MEASUREMENT. The first group was not going to be assessed for the quality of their answers, while the second group was. And as educators, we learnt our lesson right there. No matter what the context, humans really, really want to know “How much do you value me? How will you show it?”

Hmmmmmm okay, this was a classroom exercise in learning, but look around and see what happens in real life. Do you see people wanting to be seen to be more able than, or to have more than or to even just feel that they are better than? Aha! So VERY telling isn’t it?

The next blog is about examples of the role of flattery, flirtation and innuendo in persuading and motivating people to believe they are special to get them to perform better than they would otherwise, so stay with me won’t you, as we peek at games people play? Wink and Smile.