ROBIN’S WAKE HERALDED THE ADVENT SPIRIT

Who was Robin? Why was his wake powerful enough to usher in the meaning of Advent in a real way? On the eve of the first Sunday in Advent, like balm to my bruised soul, I was about to find out!

Colleague phoned to ask the difference between a wake and a funeral – he was unfamiliar with the rituals, being of a different set of customs. And, several of us attended Robin’s wake – the informal gathering of friends and family of a deceased before the formal send-off of a funeral. The atmosphere was quite astounding, as were the ways in which the event unfolded! Let me tell you about it?

Oh how heart-wrenching it must be for a parent to lose an offspring! But, as I expressed my sympathies to Robin’s father, the gentleman said with conviction that he was so glad to see his son released from pain. That sentiment obviously transcended his deep personal loss of a fine son! How amazing! But this seemed to permeate the feelings of Robin’s other loved ones too! In turn they each spoke about his quiet but selfless ways – he had been an intellectual, much accomplished, wealthy man who cared for those around him above himself. They spoke of how he planned and generously paid for the needs of his parents, aunts, nieces and nephews even while suffering the painful ravages of a terminal disease. They paid tribute to having been blessed by knowing him instead of mourning their personal losses.

His stoic young widow recounted how he was always pre-occupied with the welfare of his loved ones, and of his leaving specific instructions for her to be cared for and his admonitions to keep herself safe. The photos on the screen shouted out the closeness of the relationships among all those connected with Robin which left no doubt of the community spirit that flowed so naturally among them all, year in, year out. I was moved by this wonderful phenomenon that exists in the midst of the Me! Me! Me! of our times. Even their church family spoke of this rare, binding communal spirit that Robin had inspired in the lives he touched, even among the less advantaged. What genuine, touching, concern – it was THE impressive thread which ran through the entire evening, spawning an atmosphere of hope and reality for those who would purpose to live out their convictions without succumbing to the ravages of brutal carelessness that often lashes out in the name of ‘survival-of-self’.

At sporadic intervals verses of Scripture were displayed and songs with deeply meaningful words were sung with gusto by those present. They somehow blended so well with the spontaneous testimonials and montage of photos, to herald the reminder that there can indeed be ‘Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Men’. We heard that Robin’s intellectual bent meant that he did not accept spiritual concepts without deep and thorough questioning. So his public declaration of his faith by baptism as thinking adult, drove home that he lived out his spiritual convictions thoughtfully and deliberately. The tapestry of the evening trumpeted Robin’s success in planting the seeds of his personal values to bear fruit-trees of spontaneous goodwill among myriad communities.

Why was such a marvelous person released from Earth in the prime of his life? Ah! A seed cannot become a tree without first disintegrating before germinating can it? Who knows how Robins’ early passing has spawned many, many fruit-bearing trees? Colleague, for example, had obviously been affected by the evening and was uncharacteristically quiet and contemplative. Is he on the verge of experiencing a personal Advent?

OF PARTY DRESSES AND PIERCED HEARTS

Yes! yes! yes! It was party time!! My new dress was an absolutely gorgeous shade of turquoise shot with deep emerald, with lots of ultra feminine folds and gathers. Hmmmmm I was really looking forward to wearing it, but how would I accessorize it? I looked through my collection of baubles and bags and NOTHING matched. Sigh. Was it really worth buying something new? The ensemble was not going to last me after all – it was to be worn a couple of times and then discarded for being out of fashion. And though the colour was simply stunning, the fabric was not the best and it would be a mismatch to use real jewellery with it.

Out shopping, I wandered happily through arrays of costume jewelry, pulling the dress out to match it with some likely pieces that beckoned and noticed …………….. the cheaper items were very accessible to touch and try on. The mid-range ones were packaged and not so easily accessible, while the real thing was locked behind glass, needing a key before they could be tried on. One could look but not touch, unless one at least appeared to be a genuine customer. As I reflected on the various displays, strangely, a raw stab from the past ripped through my memory and still managed to pierce even my now older heart: When I was young my boyfriend had said something similar – about baubles being easily available to be tried while the precious jewels are kept locked away. So? So?

It had been party time then too, but my parents had not allowed me to attend it, yeah well. No long after though – you know how it is - word had got back to me about his behavior with a ‘friend’ of mine. And that had been his response – about baubles compared with jewels. Quite inexperienced and naïve, I hadn’t thought too much about what lay behind his glib explanation until it was waaaay too late and we were married – to my mind, for the rest of our lives. His value system of varying values with regard to women was alien to mine in which partners were mutually exclusive out of a willingness to honor one another while a relationship was ongoing. He saw nothing wrong with his way – neither do many other people which is fine if it is by mutual agreement, but our value systems were obviously incompatible and repeatedly left me painfully devastated many times over in the years we shared. If only I’d known sooner?

Anyway, I managed to get nice but inexpensive accessories to match the casual turquoise dress, and received many compliments about the overall effect. Why not? It was all about having fun, after all. I was chirpily happy to have enjoyed the dress and accessories, even though they would not stay in my wardrobe for very long.

Shortly after that party however, another celebration was coming up, and this time I chose to wear an old favorite – a red velvet dress in a classic, timeless design. Aha, this one had been a keeper, so the golden accessories I chose to go with it were suitably not of the category to be discarded in a hurry too. On the night of the second party several people remarked on how good I looked. BUT but but ………oh me, oh my, it was obviously not good enough for the only person who mattered to me. Accessibility won out yet again, and my tears flowed for weeks and weeks and weeks afterwards. Oh well. At least this time the searing pain came sooner and not later. Still, it had gone deep though and was not a bit relived or comforted even when Ms. Accessible soon went out of fashion herself and was conveniently replaced by Ms. Available. And life goes on. And on And on?

My mobile phone, my rescuing buddy

All smartly suited up and a couple of back-to-back meetings to drive to from one end of the Valley to another, I cruised sedately into the compound of the first meeting place when an urgent call threw my day into immediate, chaotic disarray! Aaaargh! My mother’s condition had worsened since morning, and she needed emergency care. My mind sped furiously into overdrive, prioritizing, deleting, scenario-planning and whatever my powerhouse does in its craaaazy inimitable way.

Swinging away from the parking lots and out back onto the main road, I made my first call to explain that meeting number 1 had to be postponed, with my apologies, due to this emergency. Yes, yes of course, I have a headset that allows me to drive as safely as if I were carrying on a conversation with a passenger in my car – my favorite mentor had shown me how to get the most out of Time and get business done on the go ha ha! Actually, he’s been great for my business deliverables but I confess I’ve sometimes compromised my previous standards of etiquette in favor of the timely efficiency of mobility, naughty me.

Now, which route should I choose to take, to get there in the shortest time? Tick, tick, tick, ticking away, my powerhouse kept up its mental computations for deriving what my next steps ought to be. Aha! A traffic jam up ahead with vehicles patiently craaaawling their way forward inch by inch – what a perfect opportunity to text some urgent messages to colleagues explaining the situation, and apologetically alerting them of my impending absence. But suddenly ……… screeeeech! Thump, thump, thump pounded my heart! WHERE did that rear bumper appear from????? Phew! I’d managed to come to a halt literally 2 inches away. No no NO! NOT good to text while moving even slowly – slap on the wrist – I should have known better anyway. What WAS I thinking!!!!!

By the time we were in the Acute Recovery Area (ARA), my business appointments had been re-arranged, due to the cooperation of my supportive colleagues (thanks guys) and my E71. All my commitments had now been properly delegated, and I could focus on the more mmediate family matters. Mum’s occupation of the Resuscitation Room took a good deal longer than in the ARA – hmmmmm how might I make good use of my loafing around the glass doors whose sensors authoritatively opened and shut firmly separating me from those needing medical attention? Tick, tick, tick why not keep those who need to know updated as events unfold? Sometimes in the dubious comfort of a vacant chair, at others leaning against the wall, I sent numbered updates of what was happening to family and close friends in the Valley as well as those spanning the globe. Did I mention how alien I felt lounging around an Emergency area for hours on end in my corporate gear? No, coordinated accessories are NOT what one normally wears when attending to the ill and distressed. I looked sooooooo inappropriate.

But I digress ….. the waiting time was spent incredibly fruitfully, tapping into family journalism at its best by producing mini mobile newsletters each time there was news to share. I duly numbered them too so that they would make chronological sense to the recipients. Hey! Don’t’ laugh?! The progress reports helped Sibling to decide whether he should take the next flight out or not. The text messages to Europe waited respectfully to be sent till that continent awoke while those in my time zone got the updates immediately This would never have been possible in the days of fixed lines and payphones eh?

And here’s the sweetest sentimental exchange: Mum’s sibling was concerned about the whole palaver, so, while Mum was lying in bed and her sister was in another country, E71 allowed them to exchange their feelings and allay their fears, enabling 2 older ladies to feel more assured than if they hadn’t spoken to each other. Have I told you I love you, E71? Yes, I do – even though you sometimes pout and change things you’re not supposed to; but maybe your upgrade won’t do that?

I spy and see ........ excitement ahead!

Whatever you’ve got planned for the weekend of Oct 23, 24, 25, make sure you make time to savor the bonanza of goodies waiting for you at the gleaming Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. What’s happening? It’s the GoMobile Expo 2009, that’s what - with all the bells, whistles and freebies you need to get you enjoying greater pleasure at lower cost, every day. Irresistible!!!

There’s a treasure hunt laid on for you, where you can pick up one of an assortment of mobile phones as a prize among many to be won. Do you have Bluetooth? Well, that’s how you’ll get your clues to follow the trail to the treasures. By the way, start thinking about a winning slogan to clinch the deal, yeah?

Maybe you enjoy feasting your eyes on professional fashion models? You can do that THREE times each day, and even vote for your fave designs too, via SMS of course. The designs you’ll see would have been created by Raffles International College and were inspired by – no prizes for guesses – mobile technology.

And while you’re wandering around, keep your eyes peeled for QR codes that’ll be placed around the hall. Just scan them with your mobile phone, decipher the clues from these codes and use them to answer questions that’ll get you super prizes. You do need a barcode reader app on your phone, though and if you don’t have on, just download it from the internet. And you thought you’d never need one? Huh!

While you’re wide-eyed with wonder, use your phone to snap photos of what enthralls you at the expo and send them to the judges via MMS. Prizes for the best shots will be given at 5pm every day, so start snooping around early! Keep it clean, though peeps J

Treasure hunts for codes and clues, gorgeous models, snapping photos of what tickles your fancy – what else is there to get and keep your adrenalin on high? Well, you can start getting a buzz right NOW! There are photo and video competitions to enter; just use your mobile phone to capture your minds’ imagination. AND, if you’re one of the first 50 subscribers to the Mobile World magazine, you’ll get an LG phone, FREE! FREE! FREE!

Well you can head over to Cyberjaya and capture photos of what YOU think portrays the spirit of this intelligent city. Your photos will appear in Harian Metro, and of course there are prizes to be won for having fun too. Details of how to participate are at www.gomobile.my

Or maybe you like video to capture the motion? Yes, you can do that too at the ‘Truly Asia Reality Mobile Video Contest’. Now this is one that tugs at the heartstrings – you get to submit what you see as being unique about Malaysia (any part of it), from YOUR point of view. Prizes promise to be tantalizing and yes, they do include mobile phones for you! Want to see what some students have submitted in a competition for them? Visit http://www.gomobile.my/ and judge by voting for your favorite entry by the students

Panting with anticipation already? Good. Join the rest of us at http://www.clique.gomobile.my/ and show your registration at the GoMobile Clique Booth to collect your very own gift. See you there on Oct 23,24,25! Promise?

Getting to ………. Sweet Surrender

Ooo Ooo Ooo! Girlfriends’ husband was flirting over the phone with their travel agent, using seductive tones to chastise her about not recognizing his voice straight off AND actually threatening to book their family’s vacation with someone else instead. Was it really teasing? Or massaged coercion would be more apt ha ha. And don’t we all just LOVE a massage?

Then there is jocular Couple who are successful business partners. Such a delight to be with, they are a warm and friendly pair with engaging eyes and smiles Part of their strategy is to introduce themselves as siblings; why? So that Husband could flatter business women into doing business with their company while Wife remained present without causing discomfort to female clients.

While mulling over these Eyesights which had unraveled before me, my mind traversed across Time and retrieved some other interesting conversations of yore: Waaaaaaay back when, we adolescents were relaxing on the beach, and the name of the game-of-the-moment was for the guys to see how many girls’ attention they could attract. Cousin was delighted at his repeated success and laughed as he said disparagingly “They think we’re whistling at them because we like them Ha ha fooled them!”. Hello, hello? Are you beginning to wonder about what’s behind the ‘tease and please’ of flirtations?

Hmmmmm. Remember the whole set of agonizing circumstances discussed in the book / movie/ shows etc. “He’s just not that into you” which cautions against imagining a relationship or emotional connection where actually there is none? The game of delicious innuendo is still played out every day, everywhere, to achieve differing ends. It is one common method of communication used by both genders for myriad reasons.

“Why do guys do that?” I had asked a guest Counselor at a radio station in England I used to work at. Well-seasoned Counselsor and I often engaged in extremely candid conversations (sometimes blushingly so) about human behavior . His answer was simple “Because they feel duty bound to try” HA HA HA Did that not match Cousin’s observations of a decade before almost perfectly? Clear and fair warning about how to be realistic about testosterone-motivated conversations - both verbal and non-verbal, by both guys and gals huh?

But fair’s fair, people – its not just guys who do tap into the effects of testosterone. Remember Samson and Delilah? Boy oh Boy, did she convince him so successfully with her flirtations that his emotional blindness became physical – he actually lost his eyeballs to his enemies!!!! What a horrible price to pay for ego-tripping. Are we perhaps ego-tripping when we succumb to flattery and flirtation in the workplace at the expense of exercising better judgment in a given situation? Can you perhaps recall instances of regretting falling for an engaging pitch that was not backed up by a good product or service? The reference here to intangible caressing not be validated by a tangible outcome?

The Sights of my inner and outer eyes pose this question “Just how harmless are innuendo, flattery and flirtation when they mislead another party into doing something that they otherwise would not have done? At what point does geninely building rapport give way to not-so-honorable intentions?” Do the means justify the end of reaching ones objectives? Are flattery and flirtation forms of coercive power and control, in disguise? What do YOU think?
Regardless, though, the decision to succumb to them lies firmly in the choice of those who choose to lie back and sweetly surrender to lingering glances and dulcet tones, and NOT with the seductive aggressors. Each of us is accountable for our own choices aren’t we?

HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?

Remember that childhood question? It gets answered on good days by outstretched arms with palms faaaaar apart crowned with a biiiiiiiig smile. On bad days it’s answered with trembling lips and a pout and a measure indicated only by the small distance between a forefinger and thumb. Oh yes! We all want to know HOW MUCH? We all want to know what our value is to another – how much worth do we carry in the other’s eyes? What is the evidence that we really matter?

So it was with 2 groups of adult learners with whom I was doing pilot projects using new media. Did they WANT to do it? Oh yes! Their eyes lit up with excitement and they beamed at me with eager anticipation at the novelty of learning using their mobile phones for support, at their own pace, in their own time. My senses too quivered with the delicious thrill of making a positive impact upon these groups. But what REALLY happened in the end?

Participants in both groups activated Facebook accounts so that they could access the assignments I posted, and respond to them too. You know what? Every time I’ve used this method I’ve received higher quality work because participants want to show off how well they can respond! What super joy! This is in contrast to the sometimes careless attempts that are submitted on a one-to-one basis. It actually raises the standard of communication that participants use and improves their performance to THEIR own delight! People just love it when they can be proud of what they do and get recognition for it. It’s about preening and positive visibility.

BUT, one group didn’t quite manage to get to enjoy the climax of the promising thrills. Busyness got in the way; so did tiredness and other priorities of the bump and grind of life. And on the last day their sheepish smiles registered how disappointed they were with themselves for not getting to the final goal. Sigh. The other group though, strutted themselves both on and offline, gleefully displaying their answers for each other as well as the rest of the world to see! Ooooooo they were SO gleeful about having something to show off and get recognition for! Preen, preen, strut,strut.

What made the difference? It was MEASUREMENT. The first group was not going to be assessed for the quality of their answers, while the second group was. And as educators, we learnt our lesson right there. No matter what the context, humans really, really want to know “How much do you value me? How will you show it?”

Hmmmmmm okay, this was a classroom exercise in learning, but look around and see what happens in real life. Do you see people wanting to be seen to be more able than, or to have more than or to even just feel that they are better than? Aha! So VERY telling isn’t it?

The next blog is about examples of the role of flattery, flirtation and innuendo in persuading and motivating people to believe they are special to get them to perform better than they would otherwise, so stay with me won’t you, as we peek at games people play? Wink and Smile.

FEMALE LOGIC” He exclaimed!

2 Girlfriends (GF’s) were exchanging confidences while Spouse eavesdropped (as usual) and yeah, I was doing it too :). The news was that GF 1 was actually going on a date! So WHAT was the big deal? Well she was just plain fussy and GF 2 had been bugging her for yonks to get out there into the fun lights.

Fussy’s problem was well, she’s just plain fussy!!! She’s one of those people who is quite happy entertaining herself and others and gets a load of fun out her various routines. Yes you’re right – she’s just a tad strange it would seem, and manages to get a kick out of life without pairing up with someone(s) at the usual round of activities and places which many feel are a ‘must’ in order to be seen to be normal. And, somehow Fussy didn’t seem to feel like she was missing anything by not spinning the temperamental wheel of the Dating Game along with her friends and colleagues.

SO when she announced that she had actually accepted an invitation, well, well, well, this was NEWS. Of course GF 2 wanted to know what was so special about this guy. Ahem – and that’s the hilarious part. Really!

GF 2 “SO what’s he like, what does he do, how did you meet. And Fussy dutifully divulged the bare details. But when it came to “what’s he like?” she said:
GF 1 “Well I don’t really like him. He’s sort of creepy”
GF2 “What do you mean ‘creepy’? Then WHY are you going out with him?”
GF1 “Well, He was a bit too enthusiastic”
GF2 “Maybe he was impressed by you!”
GF1 “Weeeeeeell. I don’t know, really. I mean he’s okay but a bit forward”
GF 2 “Yes, AND? Why are you going, then? You know, this just doesn’t sound right”
GF1 “It’ll be okay”
GF2 “Well you don’t know that! In this day and age you’ve got to be careful, you know. I want you to leave word about exactly where you’ll be so that we can rescue you if necessary!”
GF1 “It’s okay – really! I’ve refused to let him fetch me and am driving myself”
GF 2 “Well you still haven’t said why you’re going out with this guy anyway. What’s up?”
GF1 “You’re ALWAYS bugging me to get out and he’s sort of okay, so I’m going. I mean it’s about time I refreshed my dating skills and I might as well practice on someone I’m not that keen on so that I won’t feel so bad if it doesn’t work out, see? If I like the guy and it turns out to be a bad date, THEN I’ll feel miserable.”

Well of course it was at this very point of their conversation that Spouse snorted in ‘PRACTICE?’ horror and exclaimed ‘female logic”! And the rest of us burst into peals of unstoppable laughter. OMG I wonder HOW her date will turn out; don’t you?

The same Coin with 2 Sides bonded by the Rim

Owner, Manager and I - luxuriated in an elegant English afternoon tea on the spacious verandah overlooking the sprawling mature garden of a stately home, while a harpist softly plucked soothingly in the plush décor of the drawing room inside. They chose classic, clean, Assam while I sipped my favored aromatic, sensuous Early Grey; reflective of our personalities, perhaps? Ahhh! Deceptive bliss! Different persons, varying (perhaps even conflicting) agendas but with one purpose – to foster better cohesion among the business communities we serve within.

This surprising Tea was spawned by my Reason’s urgency to resolve issues at the soonest possible, while the opportunity still presented itself. It was the result of hours of building bridges, to cement them face-to-face. As I (the shuttle diplomat) played host, explaining the various daintily presented courses, my mind sped to and from the days of training and discussions we’d just completed, about moving the groups forward. I listened as Owner and Manager shared stories of their international experiences with other groups under the same umbrella. Tick, tick, tick went my brain – cultural differences demand segmented positioning, I silently decided. One size simply cannot fit all. Hmmmmm.

But you know, here’s the funny ha ha part – the situation made me think of 2 F&B establishments in London – the Ivy and the Pear Tree. Okay, so you may have heard of the Ivy in central London. This is where glam celebrities get spotted, and it caters to the smart business set and ogling tourists. Now the Pear Tree – that’s a VERY different kettle of fish – it’s a pub that is frequented by a different social class who physically perspire at their work, and their suppliers too. Its attraction was a gaudy stripper at lunchtime on weekdays, when they are heavily patronized. Both the Ivy and the Pear Tree serve Food and Beverages, but provide vastly differing entertainment (ogling at either the glamorous or the gaudy) set in an ambience (posh or basic) that makes their clientele feel at ease so that they return for more. Talk about cleverly securing customer loyalty huh?

And then there’s us, discussing the pulls and tugs of our varying roles. Why? So that we could achieve delivering sustainable profitability to each member in our care; that after all is why they come on board anyway. Or is it? Oh, what the hey – that’s a separate issue anyway. The crux of the issue is to provide appropriate standardized platforms that can be differentiated to suit the culture of each group.

Amid discussions, Manager cast an unfavorable eye over the dainty dish cuddling the crème brulee and decided to skip it. ‘Not MY cup of tea!’ she said, BUT she had never even tried it before! Coaxed by Owner and me she tentatively dipped a corner of a delicate silver spoon into the edge of the trembling yellow confection, and placed a teeny tiny bit onto her expectant tongue. Ooooo! Surprisingly delicious! She actually finished her cupful with delighted relish. YES she did!

That encapsulated the theme of the our discussion for me: Offer the fixed structural set (afternoon tea), and then – without compromising those principles that are set in stone (3 varying courses introduced by the staple scones, double cream & fresh strawberries accompanied by a range of flavored teas) – flexibly keep adjusting (“oh, do try the crème brulee won’t you?”) and re-adjusting the ambience, entertainment, décor, food etc to give people an experience they just can’t resist keep coming back for more to. That’s the supreme marketing mix, isn’t it! SMILE. But uh-huh you've got it, it takes the professionalism of a juggler to carry it off well – that’s what separates the good from the brilliant anyway.

Oh NO! That didn't really happen did it?

On day 2 of my workshop in Writing, the most experienced participant did not show up (she’d been bright and early on Day 1 you know). Half an hour later – still no Ms. Professional. Hmmmm …….. maybe she’d had enough on the first day? But no, there we were, giggling in the midst of a raucous ball throwing activity (mind what you’re thinking now – we were actually reviewing information, so there!) when she walks in looking rather casually dressed, but sportingly jumped right into the activity anyway. We were having FUN and she wasn’t going to miss any of it!

I’d spotted her as someone who had vast experience with writing a wide range of office correspondence – her grammar and syntax were fine. So, WHY was she a part of the course? In her words, it was about improving the tone of her writing. Happens to all of us I’m afraid. Start looking at a sheet of paper or a screen, and somehow the writing tends to become stilted instead of natural. But I’d run her through an exercise on Day 1 that had her squealing with delight at the new her in written form, so, that’s why I wondered if she’d had enough; mission accomplished, ‘no need for more classwork’ sort of decision.

After the ball throwing / info review, she starkly yet smilingly announced to the rest of us “I had overslept” Huh? Someone as ‘together’ as she was could oversleep? HOW on earth had that happened?!!!

You know, at the start of each workshop I always ask the class to switch their phones to ‘silent’ mode, and that is of course what she had done. But she’d forgotten to revert to sound mode, and had not heard her alarm ha ha ha oops! That is something that could have happened to anyone of us, really. “I was wondering why I had not received any calls” she laughingly announced to us, making it a hilarious episode instead of an awkward one. She had woken late and obviously jumped into her clothes and car and sped to join us asap, peak hour traffic and all. Wonderful attitude!

You know, it was SO heartwarming to see the transformation from the reserved pro of day 1 to the still-professional- but-light-hearted person of day 2. She was a real source of encouragement to us all. In her new-found candour, she told us that she had begun with several reservations which had melted away along with the practical activities. And she had got exactly what she had wanted and was delighted. The transformation in her was a joy to behold! Talk about taking things in one’s stride? She truly was a REAL professional, with a great sense of humour to boot!

Hey, is YOUR phone still on silent mode?

Twists of Life’s Kaleidoscope

It’s Merdeka = Freedom, Day! Freedom to choose, oh YES YES YES !!!! Evelyn’s Eyes snap open waaaaaay before sunrise to the mental pictures of the fascinating patterns of a kaleidoscope. The colored pieces fall according to the twists of the hands controlling the cylinder into intricate, multicolored patterns that can be changed at will. The image prompts waterfalls of rainbow thoughts darting into each other, fusing and harmonizing in the seductive darkness of pre-dawn – my favorite time of day.

Ted Kennedy twisted his cylinder to overcome his demons and embrace patterns of fullness, MJ twisted his cylinder to empower his demons to overcome him while still producing brilliant patterns for others to enjoy. Both were great men who have left lasting legacies of Good in their destined spheres, by choosing to embrace their potentials – each with his own methods of choice. One stretched life to as many years as he could, while the other allowed it to spin out of control into a downward spiral. Both squeezed every ounce of opportunity they could to influence millions and millions of people and provide positive relief and release. Power to them both! I want too!

And I, am awake to the myriad possibilities that the days ahead present to me and my ghosts, as nationalists, as friends, as lovers of life and pursuers of destiny / fate / pre-ordination; call it what you will. How excruciating to my heartstrings that though the outcomes might be ordained, the methods are ours to choose. NOOOOO! screams my thirsty soul, this Merdeka / Freedom Day. Must I choose instead of flow? Arghhh! For the common good, numerous parties, parades etc have been downsized to reduce the spread of the rampaging H1N1 virus. It’s been the postponement of pleasure and celebrations for later; when the virus has been thwarted or just mitigated even, so that joy can be fuller and more. The Ted Kennedy approach, indeed :)

But what choice patterns do the ghosts History (Soothing Blue), Almost Past (Growth Green) and Present (Defiant Vermillion) tempt me to twist and form through my kaleidoscope? History has materialized from nowhere – I thought he’d been laid to rest, but no. Despite my clear rejections, History had quite obviously not allowed the years to erase me from memory and had even diligently searched for my new location, appearing in the 21st century with declarations that reassure me of my inherent value. His letters assure me of the core of my identity and ground me in them. Almost Past has remained consistent – steadfast, loyal, anticipating my needs, encouraging, championing my causes, and speaking truths that consolidate my values. His faithful friendship and companionship have allowed me to grow verdantly and vibrantly. My kaleidoscopes’ blues and greens simply MUST be sustained if I want to achieve a legacy of greater, eventual good.

And what are the contributions of the multiple ghosts comprising my Present? That Defiant Vermillion of turbulence, calm, viruses, vision, stabs, laughter, toxin, balm – promises of absolutely nothing at all EXCEPT the results of how I choose to twist the cylinder of my kaleidoscope to mix and match the colored pieces. Interspersed through vermillion's palette are fragments of sensible yellow, cheeky orange, fun carmine, passionate scarlet, intoxicating rose, seductive claret, & heady port. Will a Ted Kennedy or an MJ emerge from the match that I mix? Can I derive a Lifeline of dependable, Pulsating Red?

And tomorrow brings September: my birth month which is named as the 7th month, the number biblically associated with fullness of purpose (7 days etc). It dawns with the promise of cyclical completion of what remains yet in motion. IF I twist the kaleidoscope wisely, the pattern will be a satisfying one sans the ravages of toxic elements in my life. Who and what are good for me?

"Greatness comes with Shadows"

As my telly spews forth eulogies of the life of Ted Kennedy this title is one of the quotations that has stayed with me these recent hours. The others are “private actions affect public life” and “after he married Vicky he lost his demons” (BBC news interviews). Yes indeed, Life is complicated and thankfully, through the maze we CAN actually find our purpose.

Characteristically, amid the admiring praise for his numerous liberating legislations and outspoken declarations for social justice which have benefited the American people, the public still recalls tales of Ted Kennedy’s early womanizing and drinking. In the news, the ghosts of the scandal-tainted Chappaquiddick incident hover around his glorious accomplishments. But joy of joys, the Chappaquiddick incident - the darkest moment of his career - is also credited with eventually transforming him into one of the most highly regarded politicians in Congress.

The woman he married later on, Vicky, is credited with bringing out the best in him. Both were previously married with children, but had no children together, choosing instead to dedicate themselves to each other. She too had known scandal via her father (who had a conviction) and knew how to deal with its fallout gracefully. Quote “"And no one does a better job of protecting him, standing up for him, giving him good advice, even when he doesn't want to get it." said Sen Chris Dodd to ABC News in 2008. Quoting Vicki about marrying Ted: "I started to realize more and more that this man was very important in my life ... I just thought of marrying the man I was in love with and the family I had known. I didn't think beyond that." (NYTimes, 10/01/1992.)

Ted Kennedy himself said his life was about purpose and passion: his purpose was politics, but he found his passion in his marriage to Vicki. In calm waters as well as rough seas, Vicki Kennedy, was always seen at her husband's side, anchoring his public and personal life, with her trademark smile and strength. "Finding the love of his life … really did supply something that had been missing, and it showed," said Boston Globe political reporter Tom Oliphant on this morning’s news as I watched it, reflectively.

What does any of this have to do with Evelyn’s Eyes, you ask? Well, the news items remind me of the greatest human influence in my life – my late father who is never ever far from my mind. A great man who is still remembered by public figures (though he passed on many years ago), he is credited with being the epitome of a teacher who shaped the character of his students, without fear or favor – even of Sultans ha ha ha (who respected him, btw). One former Deputy Prime Minister still remembers him to his children today! The other side of the same coin was that he was full of fun and mischief – sometimes embarrassingly so when pretty women were around us, to the chagrin of my mother. Aha and ahem! But in private and in public he proudly and consistently treated ME as the centre of his universe – now wouldn’t you know that did not earn me any favors BUT it did give me confidence to always stand my ground regardless of any opposition. My father never ever let me down, though I – most regrettably - disappointed him many, many, times.

He and my mother were like chalk and cheese and she was strong and supportive of us in her own ways even though she was unlike our personalities. Today she still boastfully refers to me as a ‘chip of the old block’ who takes good care of her like my father always did, but whom she simply can’t understand. She doesn’t complain about that, though. Phew!

Yes people, this blog is a good excuse to pay tribute to both my parents who though great in different ways and each with their own shadows, have provided me with a stable compass to successfully navigate the perilous thunderstorms of Life, and - blessing of all - equipped me to share loving methods with others who are on their precarious journeys too. Am so thankful for my parents!

Did the devil make me do it?

With anxious eyes she looked at my badge which declared ‘Happy to pray with you’ and asked for a few minutes in private. As I listened, her problem actually seemed to be a non-issue for her anyway. Hmmmm. So, I asked “Is there something else that is troubling you?” And THAT’s when the tears began streaming down her face uncontrollably. ‘sob, sob, sniff, sniff and sob again’ I reached for the box of tissues, touched her shoulder reassuringly, and prepared to listen as she poured her troubled heart out.

Lady was very happily married, had a great job, wonderful husband and a lovely, healthy toddler. Her relationship with her in-laws was a happy one too. BUT you know how it is when we push something to the back of our minds and pretend that it is therefore resolved, but know deep, deep within that it really isn’t?

That is what Lady had done when she had begun her relationship with the man who was now her husband. In her opinion; one of the choices she had made all those years ago was against her personal convictions but she went ahead and made it anyway. And although for all intents and purposes the world thought everything was fine, her conscience said that to her it was not. So we to-ed and fro-ed, criss-crossing the backroads of her mind, exploring what was really troubling her, confronted them, and presto! She was good to go – and just get on with the business of living life to the fullest with no bugbears niggling at her in the background. Joy oh joy, the next time we met she flashed a radiant, carefree smile at me. She had forgiven herself and was free, free FREE! Ha ha That’s the way it should be! God says so.

Now Woman had also given in to a bout of self-indulgence, but unlike Lady, had quite easily justified her actions to herself. Yeah, I did that, SO WHAT! Well, her problem was wondering whether her friends had excused her? The next time we all met up she defiantly strutted towards us with shoulders marching, almost daring someone to react unfavorably. But you know what? Everyone just took the day as any other, and Woman visibly relaxed and was able to be herself and get on with life. Unlike Lady, she had been looking for forgiveness from others. And she had got it too. YES!

In both cases accepting and giving forgiveness was the key to self-given permission for making a wholesome fresh start. Like it or not, we have to live with ourselves and also with others and there are consequences to what we do, whether we want to admit that or not. Lady and Woman happily got to a place where for them there was no more condemnation from anyone – just an expectation that the past was past indeed and that a new day meant a new beginning that did not include reverting to old indulgences that had been mistakes. They could start writing honestly on a clean new page for the benefit of the face in the mirror.

Sure, we can wallow and/or cringe in the opinions of others, but there’s no escaping that WE make our own choices. AND that we can choose to make each day a fresh start of new freedoms to live at peace with ourselves, and with those around us too, without obligation. God’s Promises are new every morning and His Love for each person is simply unconditional, and is there for the asking and taking. Happy Sunday peeps!

HA HA ☺:
The devil made me do it – Flip Wilson X
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions – Leonardo da Vinci √
Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true. – Demosthenes √

An Ambassador is ......... huh?

Hello you! Would you like to be an Ambassador for Company ABC? All you need to do is quote “pay us RMX, we give one year’s supply of Y for your use and for each person you refer to us we pay you RMZ “. How tacky is that?!!!!

But that is precisely what was said to me as I sat in semi-amusement, as he offered to get someone to help me to sign on the dotted line. Boy oh boy! There was simply no diplomacy or finesse attached to this stark proposition at all! Simply put, it was offensive to sensibilities and it STANK! What was outrageous is that there are unsuspecting novices who fall for this ‘exalted position’ because they don’t even know what an Ambassador is! Has the designation degenerated to mean ‘salesperson’? What a sad, sad, aberration!

HOW did I find myself involved in such a conversation anyway? Well actually it was because a pair of nice, eager spanking new recruits had phoned the main office to talk about their products and of their interest in my group of credible, established, business networkers, that’s how. They themselves were fine guys and did a good job of explaining the up-market services within plush surroundings that this new, cash-rich company was embarking on. I do believe that their products will succeed in providing value to consumers but oh! the company should improve its tone of approach, for their own sakes. Brand delivery can make a world of difference to being sustainable.

The funny ha-ha side was how hard the so-called Marketing Director tried to sound convincing that he was doing me a favor. (Smile.) Did he even believe himself or was he mentally salivating over potential zeroes in his bank statements? The funnier side was that upon examining my calling card he was trying to relate his offer to my being a BNI (Business Network International) Ambassador. Hello, hello, buddy, there is NO comparison. Nada. None whatsoever. BNI does NOT pay its Ambassadors, and we don’t get referral fees or commissions either. We just help members to improve what they are doing – like chapter coaches if you will. In fact our code of ethics is pretty clear about all members living up to the BNI Philosophy of Givers Gain by building relationships, not ‘let’s work out how to transfer money from your wallet to mine’. (Shudder of disgust.) Ugh!

As I drove off to my next meeting my mind harked back to the original term of Ambassador i.e. the title of a senior diplomat who represents his or her country’s Government. And part of such an influential status actually meant not engaging in ANY form of commercial activity – that would only tarnish the image and credibility of that position.

In fact, the significance of being the representative of one’s Government was brought home to me during a time when the flaming hot international news was that a Government was on the verge of being toppled within 24 hours. I asked the incumbent Ambassador how he would position himself and if he was poised to go home if the Government did fall. What was his plain and simple reply? “My role is to stay on and represent the Government of the day regardless”. Ah! Such dedication to the duty of representation. But THAT is what Ambassadors do. They represent a system of governance, or set of qualities and promises (as in Brand Ambassadors), NOT COMMERCE!

Tangled Lines of Communication

How ridiculous! It would even be hilariously funny if I didn’t feel so frustrated ALL the time, that I am just not getting there!

You know what just happened? I had some pretty important business information to pass on and under normal circumstances it would have been so easy. But it is not so easy for me to do with TRIAL & TEMPTATION – referred to as TT from now.

Okay, so first off I’d better explain that TT is a bitter-sweet addition to the learning curve of my life; a blessing in so very many ways. Because of TT I have learnt to broaden my perspectives, be more encompassing, patient, persevering, accepting etc etc and that has been simply WONDERFUL growth for me. I love the improved me – easier on others around too (grin). Actually, knowing from numerous experiences that God has a sense of humour (Ha ha on me, Lord!) I have compared having TT in my life to being tamed. Yes, yes, I have needed to make some adjustments here and there, I do admit, and yes, yes, I have benefited but Oh, what excruciating effort it continues to be. (You onlookers who think I’m cool, calm and collected – think again. What you see belies the gurgling, steaming lava of emotions within this dormant volcano that is often tempted to erupt, spewing a myriad passionate expressions ranging from A to Z!! Aaargh!)

So anyway, I told TT about the information and TT motions to go outside to discuss it. Sound normal so far? BUT, someone else strikes up a conversation with TT as they smoke. I wait, expecting TT to say ‘excuse me but Evelyn and I have something to discuss’. No, that does not happen (see, I told you I’ve learnt patience) so I just say “let’s discuss it over food then” and walk inside where a group of us were about to begin a meal. What happens is TT sits with smoker instead of me, so I just mentally give up and get on with my own meal assuming that well, maybe TT actually does not want to hear about the business. But, no, actually TT does want to hear about it, and comes up to ask, WHILE I am seated elsewhere & conversing. So despite feeling awkward at talking about a private business matter in the hearing of someone who need not know those details, I do so anyway (looking deceptively unruffled, calm and composed I hope).

BUT I still had a burning issue to bring up with TT anyway and later on asked for private time, and got it, before joining the others. You know, by the time those minutes of discussion were completed my emotions were so jumbled that all I could do was leave immediately to escape being exposed to even more turmoil from the unexpected. Uh-huh yes, I ran, I’m afraid. On reflection, I really should have stayed on to chat and chill with other colleagues, as we don’t often have the opportunity to chat at leisure. That might have calmed my jangled nerves too. But hiding in solitude was SO much safer. Would I have stayed if anyone had asked me to? Why do I expect to be asked, when others just sit down and stay if they want to, anyway?

Here’s the rub – I simply DON’T know how to leapfrog across the chasm of the differing ways that TT and I handle things. TT works very well to just allow things to naturally evolve, while I have plan A mentally prepared and then B to fall back on as my comfort zone – both of us achieve success, it’s the bridging that requires consistent perseverance. I now can handle spontaneity well and zippidy-do-dah have been doing so by stepping up to the plate of unexpected circumstances since last week without distress. Oooo, well done, me! Pat on the back. That learning curve is being ridden.

In pursuit of mastering that learning curve - there’s a lesson lurking here somewhere for me to learn about how to surf the rollicking waves and still beach at a desired destination, isn’t there? TT says I think too much, but then the alternative is far too scary for me to consider. BOO!

The Gentlemanly Client

I replaced the china teacup on its matching saucer and he commented favorably on the mark that my carmine-red lipstick had left on the cup’s pristine white rim. Hmmm!!!!!!! The remark took me aback because most people would have been too absorbed in other things to even notice; but it shouldn’t have, as it really was quite typical of his multi-faceted nature.

He is quite unusual in that he is surgically precise in his dealings, razor sharp, quite demanding and unwavering in his objectives, and yet wraps his exchanges with people (male and female alike, of ALL ages) in impeccable manners that are personalized and yet without misleading, or being flirtatious. No lingering eye contact or prolonged handshakes which one encounters all too often. He is a consummate communicator par excellence indeed! He gets his point across without a whiff of creating false expectations that just might eventually sour relationships. His methods have worked exceedingly well - he has arrived at a position of immense influence in many countries, and amassed the thundering power and wealth that naturally accompanies that level of influence.

From our first business meeting Client had insisted that we would take tea together as we held our discussions – in fact on the couple of occasions he would even adjust the time of having his afternoon tea till I arrived, and his secretary would smilingly bring it in, within minutes of my sitting down. Perhaps it was our common familiarity with traditionally British ways of yore that had struck a rapport between us from the time we has first spoken – it was over the phone, when obviously our diction would have carried the greatest impact on our mutual perceptions of the unseen personality at the other end of the line.

Although he is busy making international deals he always returns my calls and messages promptly, emerges from his office to personally greet me and see me into it, and walks me to the elevator when I leave. The pointed questions I ask regarding progressions of our dealings are never avoided but always answered to clearly and accurately without giving too much of his part of the negotiations away.

But you know what has really endeared me to him? It was when – while we were waiting for someone to call back – he conspiratorially lowered his voice and asked “Would you like to see a picture of my old girlfriend? I still keep it in my wallet you know”. GULP. You could have knocked me down with a feather, but I struggled to keep my external composure and politely said “Of course. She must be very special to you if you have kept it all this time.” He took out his well-worn, leather wallet and fished into it to retrieve a faded, black-and-white photo yellowed and almost obscure now with age. He pointed to the male half of a stunningly attractive couple in their youth glowing into the camera and said “That was me.”

As he went on to lovingly describe the woman in the photo, I understood that while it had been taken when they were working on their professional qualifications, she had since become his wife and business partner – a challenging combination that had obviously withstood the grueling tests of time to become the ultimate couple who are now ‘two opposite halves of one whole entity’. Yin Yang.

I just can’t wait to meet her and anticipate being a witness to what must be an unwavering commitment that each one of them has kept – each one to being the fulfillment of the other. A very, very rare and invaluable stance. It reminds me of my days with the Kings: Barrington was a treasured supervisor and mentor who exuded a fearsome and commanding power over everyone (he was U.S. Ambassador Plenipotentiary), but whose eyes would instantly soften and features would melt when his beloved Sara walked in, even at a business meeting. Sweet! Precious, embalmingly Sweet!

The Joys of Connectivity!

OMG – we’d been Skype-chatting for 2 hours already and there was STILL more to share as we caught up. Finally, PP had created an account, and we were savoring the delights of unlimited conversation, as starved as we were for the cozy chats we used to share before she moved away.
She’s also been indoctrinated into the joys of social networking and was now adding to her list of friends to share photos and news with. Have I said how I just LOVE new media for staying in touch with all and sundry? YES I DO!!!

But my friendship with PP? Now, THAT is extra special. It’s been about 9 years since we first met – just 2 random people in the same church cell group. PP had many questions to ask about our groups’ topics of discussion, and was also single-handedly caring for her terminally ill mother. Her life was full but she still found time to encourage other cancer patients too – she had found a satisfying vocation there which she continues to engage in whenever the opportunity presents itself. Admirable, don’t you think? My own rigid life was engaged in the diametrically opposite structured corporate sector and we kept in touch only when friends with terminally ill relatives needed prayer or other support. She and I really had absolutely nothing in common, apart from sharing a deeply-rooted commitment to being the best that we can be, within our skill sets. So HOW did we become bosom buddies? She laughingly says now that she used to find me ‘distant’ though friendly - oh dearie me, where have I heard THAT before? Ahem! Hem!

Anyway, along the way we somehow found ourselves on opposite sides of a common issue that inflamed our mutual sense of justice with an unquenchable desire to set aright, despite stone walls and intrigue. That closed the social distance between us. As we discussed how to help out, we exchanged backgrounds and found that we come from 2 vastly different worlds (um, can this even be on the same planet!?). She had not told anyone about hers for good reason, it sounded like something out of a heart-wrenching storybook to me. But the mutual sharing of our family secrets led to trust and later confidence and then to the ability to laugh together about issues surrounding our lives, and to offer each other stark moral support without frills. Have you noticed how laughter melts icicles and brings streams that irrigate orchards and gardens? Ahhh. Jocular bliss.

Then a job took her away and we caught up on chats when she returned every few weeks. BUT somehow those gaps were toooooooo long and everytime I got into a mental pickle and wanted to chat with someone who understands me, I missed hearing her incisive, challenging, wisdom. It was vice versa too. Uh-huh, that’s right – it is the blatant honesty between us that is SO very valuable, because it is shared from a common desire to help each other to improve, without pretence. Don’t you too have someone or 2 you like to vent with? You know, as I would drive away from an unbelievably idiotic meeting, or pondered over my own bungling responses (aargh yes, not yet again!) in a situation, I would sometimes indulge in calling her long-distance to get her insights into others’ perspectives. Oh, how enlarging it has been for me to hear perceptions from a vastly different world to mine! Especially so, when my work entails relating to people with social/cultural/religious/political/ etc etc , differing expectations to what I was used to.

Quite honestly, the trials and tribulations of being smacked in the face with ‘norms’ that are alien to me have made me a far better-aligned person, because of her helpful insights. Instead of continuing my attempts as the proverbial ‘bull in a china shop’ the insights have helped me to broaden my thinking and build bridges that enhance relationships. And now WE HAVE NEW MEDIA despite the physical distance between us. Did I say already that I just love the technical connectivity that enables the emotional connectivity which makes the world go round? Hey! There’s the likes of Fring too you know! Ha ha ha Mobility rules!!!! OH YES!

Pleeeeeeeease DON'T HELP ME!

Speaker outdid himself that day. His usual sparkle dazzled, his anecdotes garnered unwavering attention – his inimitable style arrested unbridled laughter which ensured that every member of the captivated audience would have the learning points embedded in their psyche, for yonks to come.

Listening raptly and observing with sheer delight, my creative juices gurgled forth with ideas of how this superlative delivery could reach those who were not there, as well as be available as permanent reminders for those who had been fortunate enough to be a part of the moments. As always, me the Trainer, huh? And when comments were invited, I proclaimed the same things too! As we were dispersing, still brimming with excitement, I offered the videographer some ideas if he’d like to hear them. He good-naturedly replied “We know what to do” with an indulging smile.

Undeterred from having the potential of the delivery exploded, I briefly mentioned my ideas to Speaker who said that it was fine to share them with Videographer. I did so a couple of days later, over the phone, stating that Speaker had suggested that I contact him directly. For reassurance that I actually do know what I am talking about, I offered Videographer that I do have a background in international background journalism, and had also written the script as well as directed a learning video for Malaysia’s prestigious Fortune 500 national oil and gas company, which was still being used in their international training center. Videographer listened intently, then explained that his schedule was full for the next few weeks, but that he would contact me when some time freed up. Ding Dong! That ought to have been the first alarm bell, right there.

Ever the champion of being transparent in work processes, I followed up with an e-mail that had all concerned updated on all the conversations shared and ideas put forth. Speaker endorsed the email, and in a follow-up call to me Videographer was very accommodating stating that he would let me know when the first edits had been done, and invite me over for a discussion at that time. Should I have heard a bell tinkling then?

Some weeks later another speaking session was due. It was the perfect time to contact Videographer again, so I did. This time he offered me the original tape to work on, (Aha! So that has been his fear, had it?) which I of course declined, reiterating that I was offering only ideas and to work with him, and not to take anything away from him. He seemed relived, and the conversation went well, and he assured me that he would record the upcoming session too.

On the day, we happened to meet on the way up and the crew was wonderful with helping to ready the hall etc. Afterwards, Videographer respectfully came over to say that this session would be a straight edit and I agreed that it certainly was of a different genre, unlike the other. He explained that his team was highly experienced and that his brother was a multimedia graduate and that he’d relate to Speaker directly now. Sigh. Hello? Creative people know that ideas enrich, not denude. Technical people believe the specs are all there is to something. Sigh; and sigh again. Oh well! This time I heard both the DING and the DONG, loud and clear!!!!! I DON’T need your help.

Several days later, Speaker said that he and Videographer had met and that he’d said that he could handle the project on his own. YES I KNOW my mind screamed. Calmly, I replied that Videographer had relayed that to me already and there were no issues on my part. Hello again? Did anyone think I was nuts to offer my time and professional experience FOC out of anything but the passion that courses through my perpetually red-hot veins? Silly, silly me. But no, I don’t want to conform to common, small-minded expectations! And I won’t. Passionate input anyone?

Cougars, Pumas and not-so-new attractions

Oooo and Ohhh and ahhh! Forced to sit still at the hairdressers, that is when I skim through women’s magazines. This article was about today’s’ excitingly trendy and caressingly blissful couplings between young men and older women.

Ages ago, it had been a beautiful, sparkling, sunny day in Washington DC USA and I was waiting for the bus to Baltimore to meet friends for a weekend picnic at their plush home. A decent young man started a friendly, civil, conversation – he must have been only in his late teens, but was quite purposeful about wanting to see me again on a date. Clearly, I was a professional on a visit to my HQ at the State Department – definitely waaaaay out in his age group, so I felt no more than appreciated and flattered, and determined NOT to divulge how he could contact me.

Several years earlier than the DC encounter, the same thing had happened at an English gray, rainy train station in Reading, Berkshire, UK as I was waiting for a train to take me to an interview at the Far Eastern Broadcasting Corporation. This man was even more insistent and said he would wait for me at the same place the following day. No. I did not DARE to show up! Coward! That’s what my friends called me. What was I afraid of, huh?

Why did I not respond to the invitation of these young men? Well much, much earlier than these encounters, in another country in Asia I had befriended a man with whom I shared common interests in every area in life. He was much, much younger than I was but the rapport between us was both soulfully compelling and magnetically irresistible. The vast differences in our ages proved to be a non-issue to us as we worked together, relaxed together, worshipped together. I was already an established professional – he was on a break to continue his academic studies. What we shared was beyond moral reproach and everyone admitted that we were great together, but the differences in our ages caused bitter division among our colleagues, friends and families. Our Pastor too was caught in the dilemma as some church members felt that the age difference was no barrier, while others thought it was downright scandalous!! Can you imagine the atmosphere around us, of puritanical outrage clashing with romantic sympathy and compassion? Even members of our families were divided with the younger ones delighted at our happiness while the older ones feeling downright embarrassed over our relationship, while remaining supportive of us as individuals. That was very stressful for me as I did not want to be the cause of pain to those I care about. When it inevitably came, the breakup was traumatic and took a very long time to get over.

Many years down the road, I was quite amused this week to read this article about the current trend of blissful couplings between men and the older women of their choice, and why such relationships are so emotionally and physically compatible, and now gaining social acceptance too. Hmmm????!!! It seems that the time has come, when psychological compatibility now outweighs physiological couplings! History trumpets that sexuality knows no age restrictions anyway.

Coincidentally this week, one daughter shocked me a few days ago by saying point blank that its high time I did whatever I believe that makes me happy – actually her words were far more direct – and to just disregard what people around think. The other daughter, actually, had been saying that for years now. Hmmm again.

So the multi-billion $ question is: WHAT would I do? Would I run away again, with my heart thumping in fright? Or look the world in the eye and say ‘Hey it’s MY life, people’ while delicious thoughts tantalize my mind. I’ll just cross that bridge if and when I come to it I suppose. Hmmm???? Hmmm??!! and Hmmm!!!!!

Elusive Decisions

She sounded shrill and at the end of her tether “Yes! I know it is difficult for you – but you HAVE to make a decision!!” “Of course it is not easy for me too – but you must make up your mind already!!!!” Oops! It sounded like a trying situation was being discussed, to say the least.

Colleague was late (as he usually is, so what’s new?) so I had opened the newspaper to scan it at leisure while waiting. Our meeting place of choice was pleasantly devoid of customers at that hour, so we would be able to have a discussion in a civil and conducive atmosphere. I hadn’t a clue WHY he wanted us to meet, but, anything in the interest of forging good working relationships ey? I ordered a drink and a snack and prepared to enjoy some peaceful solitude with muzak gently teasing my ears and playfully evoking warm and fuzzy emotions. What a blissful morning respite from a hectic week.

Seated by the picture window, I saw a well-toned muscular man open the door and stride in confidently, bulging out of his snug t-shirt. In contrast however, he seemed to be looking a tad sheepish, the way he smiled. Well, I went back to my paper, facing the window. Several minutes later an attractive, well-groomed woman dressed in casual but smart clothes was crossing the road and coming towards me, looking very purposeful. Her clear complexion and glossy hair did nothing to hide the grim, set look on her face which detracted from her fresh-faced beauty. She approached, aha! - she was headed for the restaurant! Still very purposeful, she opened the door and walked over to the man. No greeting. Oh dear! Something’s amiss there; please, please don’t spoil my peaceful morning?

Well, the animated conversation (on her part anyway) was hard to ignore. He was trying to softly counter what she was saying. Were they an item having a spat? Or just 2 colleagues caught in an impossible tangle of events? I wondered; not that it was my business, but it was really hard to ignore the shrill interjections. Being ever so polite (ha ha – it’s that Convent school indoctrination, you know), I buried my head in the paper and pretended not to hear the conversation, but her anxious decibels made that rather difficult. The smoothie was barely audible though, surprise, surprise. And what was he trying to gloss over?

As they continued to tussle over whatever it was they were struggling with, my mind began to wander and gravitate towards a situation that had been tormenting me for yonks! You see, it is usually easy for me to arrive at the crux of what is bothering me and then address it clinically. But this situation was different. For months I have been agonizing over whether it was the circumstances or the central figure that has gotten under my skin. But my usually sharp analytical abilities continued to fail me! Why? That does NOT happen to my clear thought patterns. WHAT is going on? Unclear diagnostics meant that preparing a response has been out of the question. Isn’t it simply perplexing when one can’t get to the bottom of things?!!!! Should I respond to the circumstances, or to the central figure around whom events swirl?

By the time they left ages later, the couple had not seemed to have resolved anything. And I too am resigned to taking just one day at a time, allowing things to unfold or unravel or consolidate or whatever. Sigh! Why are the answers so elusive this time? Oh well. I suppose patience begets character. Some (grudging) consolation there perhaps; sniff and pout.

Courageous, enduring, family love

Early this year they said that he stood in the hall of the home he'd lived in for more than 20 years, but was strangely confused about how to get to his bedroom. Stumped! More recently, he can no longer recognize them - sigh - and this took me back to a bittersweet celebration.

I was at a Chinese New Year dinner, replete with blinding vermillion table-cloths thrusting precarious heaps of glowing, golden mandarins into our lines of vision.

Walking to the buffet line, I recognized the young man across the room, and my heart skipped a beat. “Oh! He looks just like his father did at that age!” I winced inwardly; tears pricking my eyes. The photo of his radiant, father and glowing, mother – as they had been decades ago - was still displayed at the front; posing proudly for the camera, as couples in love often do. Walking now with Manjit was his mother, smiling into his face. Was the father still alive? All evening I wondered but dared not ask, more out of fear of what my own reactions might be, than of theirs.

Another – contemporary - picture of Manjit’s parents flashed onto the screen. The once handsome man was now confined to a wheelchair, his eyes piercing, and yet somewhat vacant too. His wife was at his feet, one of them in her hands, massaging it, lovingly. Why? Because she knew that had been one of his pleasures. Perhaps he could still connect with some of that distant delight? Anyway, it was worth it to even possibly stoke some positive memories in this Love of her life.

Pensively, I filled my plate and returned to my table, not really hungry. Didn’t feel like chatting much either. When I’d arrived I’d made a mental note to seize the first decent opportunity to leave. Why do I keep attending these gatherings when I always feel this way!!?

The glitzy PowerPoint presentation over, the elegant lady beside me seemed frozen. Faridah stayed half-turned in her chair, mesmerized by the screen. I touched her arm and she turned. Her reddened eyes glistened like the diamond pin that fastened the scarf around her head. As our eyes met, all I could mutter was “It’s so hard, isn’t it?”

Conversation around the table was genuinely warm, yet constrained by varying emotions among us. Across sat the elderly Changs. I’d seen them in the parking lot earlier on, he painstakingly guiding her faltering steps ever so gently. Both were most affable. Mr. Chang kept an eye on his wife’s plate, devotedly supervising what she was doing, ensuring that she put nothing bony into her mouth. Mrs. Chang cheerfully chipped into our conversations, with inappropriate comments which her husband good-naturedly explained away.

Between us were middle-aged Danny and his mother. She was a sweetie, her face creasing into radiant smiles as she burst into peals of laughter at her son’s loving teasing. His natural attentiveness towards her was incredibly moving – she was confident and relaxed, obviously a much-loved lady. Danny drove home the common bond among us by relating how his mother had attempted to eat the lipstick, while being dressed for dinner.

Yes, we all laughed in sympathetic camaraderie because we’d all been there too. Faridah kept looking at the four of them wistfully, sporadically declaring “at least they can still talk and laugh. My husband can’t even do that anymore.”

It’s been many years since I first met Manjit, his mother, and Faridah and her husband. They’ve been regulars at the Alzheimer’s Disease family-support-group meetings – battle-scarred veterans of an excruciating test of family love.

I remain a mere student of ‘Dementia and Her Ravages’ – my mother retains a sharp memory and has no problems recognizing me. I kept joining these lovely people to stay reminded that unconditional love is pleasantly possible. Each time I do, my initial awkwardness is quickly thawed by the way they boldly flaunt their courageous love for one another. And I find myself relaxing, blending in, and leaving much, much later than I thought I’d want to, a richer person for merely having been there with them, partaking of their incredible expressions of love.

And He sends angels

July began with the door slamming firmly shut on a 2 year contract that had technically been in the bag and was waiting only to be presented. Thud! That wasn’t just the door – it was the sound of merrily dressed Promise & Hope plunging to the bottom too. NOT good. This postponement was yet ANOTHER one in 2009, and the straw that threatened to break this camel’s back. Sigh.

But thankfully, the next few days were going to be bz, bz, and busy with meeting groups and smiling, and motivating and bustling. Showtime in effect; where I was going to be required to perform as if I hadn’t a care in the world, and to deliver my promises to be supportive regardless of my own concerns. Which duly happened of course. So what’s new eh? Grin, smile, encourage, you know - you do it and then you actually believe it too? Very therapeutic! You know what? Bright red lipstick helps too ha ha. Try it and tell me if it works for you too, won’t you? J

Well, the very day after receiving the email, the star performer, (referred to as Star from now) showed up bright and early at a largish event and replied to my polite greeting of enquiry “How’s it going?” with “How bad can it get?” with a deceptively charming Cheshire grin. Hmmmm. Star was having some kind of a toughie too obviously, but spunkily went on with the show like a real trouper! And Star even performed with his usual panache and aplomb – which I took as a sign from the heavens to me to soldier on too. What was that Divine Promise that “He will give His angels charge over you”? Standing on the Promises la-la, la-la ………

So I decided to mention to Star that I needed some new marketing linkages since he just might chance upon something during his conversations. But did that happen? NO. Star was scurrying hither and thither juggling deadlines. Such is life (huff and pout).

But I tried again the following day. I simply had to. My mouth was dry and I felt awkward framing the words, which somehow stumbled out, making some sense I hoped. Isn’t it wonderful how bold Bravado emerges when shining Hope and glittering Promise have failed to live up to themselves? And Star the trouper promised to see what he could do.

Another show, another day waking before dawn to get some paperwork out of the way before engaging in more ra-ra to cheer others along their way. But, what was THIS? How amazing! After I’d gone to bed an email had come in from Star linking me to someone who described needing PRECISELY the type of project I revel in getting my incisive teeth and creative juices into. Oh wow!
I was supposed to contact her (New Hope) asap! But it was waaaay too early. So, I emailed New Hope anyway, and as the show began I sent her a text message just so I wouldn’t miss the boat.

You know what? Before the current showtime was over I received a return text from New Hope, saying she had set the wheels in motion. Oh! What simply perfect timing! Imagine TWO angels – Star and New Hope to return eager Anticipation to my life. And I celebrated by lunching with new found friends who were simply charming and very soothing to my anxious mental bugbears. I even relaxed in a new-found haven to gentle jazz while the sunlight skipped cheekily across the dainty waves ruffled by the breeze over a lake. What bliss! All part of the re-branding that had begun not too long ago; but that’s another story to tell you!

Is Jet Li a Singaporean?

The multi-racial cacophony harmonized the diversity of skin tones and attire with the distinct aromas of myriad distinctly South Indian spices tantalizingly wafting around the Banana Leaf restaurant. In combination they teased and assailed my senses as I waited for Fellow Trainer (FT). As if to spotlight this microcosm of globalization, the Sunday paper speculated on delectable Beijing-born, China-bred, Hong Kong star, Hollywood box-office heart-throb, Jet Li's move to South East Asian Singapore to acquire citizenship and its benefits for his family.

Weaving in and out among us. accomplished waiters in western-styled white shirts and black trousers balanced typically Indian metal trays of thosai and chutneys, plonked newly-washed bright green banana leaves on tables, and served steaming coffee with fresh cow's milk and fragrant masala tea to accompany the array of deliciously spiced vegetables, fish and meat.

To my left was a table of 12 smartly dressed Asians of varying ages, speaking in the Malaysian English of post-colonial days. Attention-getting grey-haired Alpha Male was cheerfully holding court, loudly exchanging happy banter and good-humouredly teasing his group while taking a stream of phone calls from well-wishers for Father's Day, to the amusement of the rest of the restaurant. He was surrounded by what appeared to be his admiring wife, adult children and their smiling friends - after a church service, judging by his conversation.

At my home church earlier, my MM2H (Malaysia My 2nd Home) friend - originally from Sri Lanka - told of an upcoming holiday to where her Scottish husband had been born. "Are you going home?" I asked. "No" she smilingly replied "This is home now." She herself had moved from then-Ceylon and been bred in England and speaks impeccably, and these Britons have now happily settled in Kuala Lumpur, establishing Malaysia as their home, where their family visits them.

In the far corner, a traditionally dressed Indian-looking family in multi-hued clothes was having a late breakfast and was chatting animatedly amongst themselves in a mix of expressive Tamil and accented English. In front of me were a group of twenty-somethings of Chinese origin wearing shorts, mini-skirts, slippers, t-shirts and skimpy tops, speaking the Manglish embraced by the student population who aren't yet exposed to a variety of other cultures. When (ethnic Chinese) FT appeared, he was dressed casually in a t-shirt, jeans and a cap, while I was still in my semi-formal church clothes. We shared our thoughts deeply, well into tea time, using the standard international English that is our comfort zone.

Later on as Alpha Male contentedly swaggered out in his snug denim jeans and crisp long-sleeved shirt (an irresisitable combination, don't you think?) he triggered my memory of another Alpha Male. Intrigued when we first met by the uncharacteristic honey-tone of his complexion and doe-shaped eyes of this Trainer-Coach, I had looked up his clan and round that they had originated from the Middle East centuries ago, and migrated to China - hence the Chinese clan name - before settling in then-Malaya and establishing themselves here.

And, just a few days ago I had so easily re-connected with charming fellow Indian Diaspora-an, she (born and bred in England) and I (born and bred in Malaysia) having struck an immediate rapport when we met only a couple of months ago. Why? Because we are of similar Indian origins and share an affinity for bothe England as well as Malaysia. Aren't deep-rooted emotions evocatively fascinating?

"Breathes there a man whose soul so dead, never to himself has said, 'This is my own, my native land'." (Sir Walter Scott 1771-1832). But WHERE is one's native land today? Place of ethnic origin, or where ones's heart is, or is it just the place of one's permanent address?

The Wild Child

Her huge doe-eyes looked so sad; she was leaving in 24 hours. Her skin looked wan; from a month of partying with people she hadn’t seen for 3 years; as usual her broad smile dazzled. She looked tired; but had dashed out to meet me for lunch at the elite restaurant I’d picked to snatch some private catch-up time before returning to her other home on another continent. We had deliberately squeezed space to have this brief time to share. People around saw only 2 ordinary women a generation apart lunching elegantly, but Niece and I have a common bond of an unspoken understanding forged over the years.

As a child she had reached out to me when others deemed her to be a problem, and then as now, I recognized parts of myself in her and so was able to respond. You know, a wild streak needs more than most people can handle with nurture, and we cannot handle it alone. It is an innate streak that is unasked for but must be lived with and managed, somehow. Relatives, like society often looked at her with wonderment because she shockingly bucks the trend. But they had done the same with Cousin (her father), and with me and with my father, and my daughters too. So we live and learn how best to cope by juggling and balancing, teetering and tottering.

As she ate her food as correctly as any book on etiquette would recommend, my mind filled with the words I’d heard a mere couple of hours before “To you it’s all about protocols, etiquette,
procedures and everything else that if practiced to a tee, everyone might as well just stand still and not move at all.” Oh honey! If only you knew. BUT you can’t be allowed to know. We all live in a world of consequences that stay with us for a lifetime. In a perfect world Alan Shore – the t.v. character of Boston Legal who amuses me – achieves justice for society while engaging in the most irreverent dialogues that he does not get penalized for! What a delicious fantasy!

But if you are not a fictitious character, well ………….. There had been one of my MBA lecturers – what a Wild Child! Naturally superlatively brilliant, his impartations were par excellence and we his students benefited greatly from it. But his dark side gave him so much pleasure that he could not balance the two. Sadly he lost the respect of most of his colleagues and students. Genius Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart did not fare too well either.

My Dad however, expertly juggled and managed the many facets of who he was, and left an eternal legacy of respect, whether it was grudging or not. Cousin too has made his mark, is extremely successful, and celebrated his daughters’ visit with the largesse he has industriously earned; like letting off fireworks at her lavish party at his mansion. Has he been delighted by her previous wildness? Absolutely not at all. BUT that is where unconditional love comes into play, and evokes the freedom of the Wild Child to choose responsibly instead of rebelliously.

You see, it’s safe for the Wild Child to come out only when surrounded by unconditional love; not by expectations – just unconditional love. And because that is rare, social norms just have to prevail for most of the time – we do need to show respect as part of showing our love to whomever. Thank you God, for the people who do love even the jarring Me. Do you feel that way too, Wild Child?

Niece, come back again soon so that we can talk and laugh with abandon at what only we seem to find humorous! Daughters, let’s continue to make time and space for benign, wicked, hilarity! Yes, God loves us just the way we are.

Is there Poison in Your Food?

I pulled over to the side of the road to take the call – my pulse beats raced and my heart began sinking in disbelief as I heard the words “My partner says don’t do it. He knows that it won’t work.”

Just a couple of days before I had explained to Bizman and Wife, whom I’d known for many years, how he could start increasing the number of business projects he gets, with the accompanying evidence of how the strategy has already been working sustainably for decades. No, I don’t get paid for any of this. In fact it is done at my own expense of time and money for transport as well as the accompanying refreshments at meetings. My friends ask me why I bother to make the effort.

Well, remember Ngahi – the man in a previous blog, who had determinedly had his face tattooed to proclaim his purpose? His challenge to his listeners had been to identify “what makes you weep?” and then to unwaveringly work to address that particular issue, as a personal mission. From him I understood that it takes both persistence and pain to act to reduce the weeping. For me the weeping comes from knowing that every human has access to greater inner joy and outer prosperity, but needs others who are willing to show them the access points, and to lead them through, if they indeed have in themselves the willingness to step up to the next level of personal fulfillment. It is People who are my passion and Ngahi drove home to me that it will take a lifetime of painful persistence to reduce the weeping if I am serious about being true to myself.

So, I had offered to introduce Bizman and Wife to a group of people who would be willing to commit themselves to learning more about what they do, and to recommending their services to those to whom they already do business with. Isn’t it magical to have credible people refer business from their own networks to you? They believed so too and made their own commitment to check the opportunity out. BUT like the serpent in Eden, their trusted Bizpartner sowed the seeds of doubt in their minds, and they become torn between fear of potential loss and stepping up to potential gain.

Familiar, isn’t it? You’ve been there too, haven’t you? The seductively pretty faces of trusted feelings, comfort zones and pleasant familiarity can be the narcotics that keep us from realizing that we are willingly consuming toxic arsenic – it shows no trace in our food, you know. Often arsenic is detected only at autopsies i.e. after death has already occurred and its too late for resuscitation.

I decided to take the bull by the horns, and invite Bizpartner to come along to meet the group too. Will he dare to call his own bluff? We’ll see if he does show up won’t we! Hopefully he will, and can then take some steps up for himself too. If he wants to, that is.

Oh those pretty faces in our lives that cleverly tickle our egos and so artfully please us all!

This is How We Get the $ Due

The Project Director (PD) phoned immediately after receiving my text message, even though it was the weekend! “Oh! I had NO idea!” And I do believe that he was indeed telling the truth.

Weeks earlier, I had completed what was asked of me without any hitch. The Project Manager (PM) was present towards the end of what we were working on, and was supposed to hand over the payment by cheque. The same company had done this before and I was quite comfortable with the arrangement.

At the end of this job though – it was very late at night because of problems with their equipment – PD said that PM had forgotten to get the boss to sign the cheque before he left, and to leave my banking details so that she could deposit it into my account. That too was quite acceptable. Like the rest of us she had been focusing on getting the job completed by a very tight deadline. BUT a whole week later? Nothing had been banked in. Aaaargh! What a terrible nuisance.

However, what became disconcerting is when no one would pick up the phone when I called. HUH? Something’s not quite right is it? So I went down to the office to investigate. The staff were in the dark about the matter, and very helpfully called the HQ, where this time the phone was answered (for a familiar caller id ha ha) PM then said the boss was overseas and would be back the following Tuesday, and she would get the check signed and bank it in on Wednesday. Hmmm – this was beginning to sound familiar, but okay – these things do happen sometimes, don’t they? Just maybe he had flown off without being accessible to his staff?

But Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – no payment. This was not funny anymore, so my PA – using our office number, called to investigate. Her experience was not in the least bit comforting, to put it mildly. She was transferred back and forth from the Accounts to the PM – it seemed neither wanted to handle the hot potato! And finally – do you know what she was told? “We don’t know when the cheque will be ready, we will call you” What was that original statment about the cheque being ready during the job but was unsigned?

Now this was an abomination!!! Totally unacceptable. So PM received an emailed letter from me which was copied to my lawyer, and the PD got a gentle text message from me saying that regrettably the matter would be passed onto my lawyer if payment was not made within X days. Bingo! His immediate reaction was to phone me reassuring that he would personally see to the cheque being banked into my account pronto. And it was. You know – of course you do, this is not the first occurrence of this sort for me or countless others. (You too?)

Why? Why? Why? Do finance people in particular have no qualms about saying things they don’t mean? When, when, when will finance people understand that because of their tactics, there WILL be types of retaliation that will either raise the cost of their doing business, or lower the quality of the resources they get and ultimately affect their own products? Sigh.

Integrity IS bankable, people! Trust and dependability reduce costs and raise quality. That’s precisely why word-of-mouth (WOM) business referrals are the MOST prized and sought after – they are the most effective method of marketing a business can engage in because reputations and survival are at stake.

INTEGRITY IS BANKABLE! :D

The Claims Manager said “Because xxxxxxx , we believe that the claims are genuine we will be approving them.” Oh? His words alerted me that from his view there might have been an attempt to defraud. In fact, very probably a large part of his job is to guard his company from fraudulent claims! And this would subsequently have to translate into expensive protective measures at the cost of the honest. Huh! So, what’s new, Sherlock?

That mental jolt to reality had my head spinning towards the surrounding circumstances. If insurance companies have to contend with realizing that the workshops on their panel just might be colluding with unscrupulous owners to make unnecessary gains, then they would naturally have to act with suspicion and not trust. Aha! This is very useful to being more insightful when giving responses in my work as a Management Consultant. Gives Risk Management a greater dimension than is obvious, doesn’t it? And this simply raises the cost of doing business as - is true of all unfair practices. Incidentally, the damage to my car looked worse than it was, and cost the insurance company only a small sum by any standards, thank God!

Remember when part of my documentation to make the claims had been withheld from me, and I was told that I had to “get that particular report only from the one officer”? Why? When they could have been released by any authorized officer and not just one? The proverbial penny was beginning to drop as to why it was more expensive to have the workshop collect the documents. Hmmmm.

Yes indeed. My recent car accident was roughly shaking me up into the realities of what doing business means for many people. By God’s Grace, I have not had much experience with sordid transactions, but He obviously thinks that it is time for me to be educated in life at this level and to stop being naïve if I want to be a constructive participant of communal living, and to continue to campaign actively but realistically for accountability at all levels.

“Supply and Demand’ kept ringing in my ears - no supply unless there is a demand eh? In Utopia, costs would only be fair and not ‘loaded’ by risk management. But Utopia seems to keep drifting further into galaxies beyond reach. The cost of refusing demands can be destructive to one’s ambitions, after all. I’m also beginning to understand why some people refer to ‘inflexibility’ as a barrier to getting things done peaceably. Sweetening the lips of the Kitchen God is a more common practice, finding favor with Expediency. But WHO pays the eventual price?

But, But, But, this form of expediency gives rise to higher $ costs, higher levels of suspicion, and will consequently result in higher levels of stress, costing heath related expenditure! Isn’t it so much simpler, cheaper – and joyous too - to be able to take someone at their word? What an easy life to be able to bet $ on someone to because of their integrity! Due to the global exposure of corporate misconduct in recent years, integrity has become a very timely form of economic management, with formal courses on it being conducted e.g. the Integrity Pacts between public and private sectors in jointly managing projects.

‘Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive’ wrote Robert Burns (1759 – 1796); especially if it is ourselves whom we are kidding.

A Tale of 4 Male Minds

It’s been a week of varying encounters with the mindsets of Machinegun, Tarzan, Laser and Spouse each of them a challenge to me as in ‘’how do I respond to handle this best?”

Now, I’ve been frequenting this car park for a couple of years, but that day things were going to be different – and how! It was packed because of several meetings in the same building, but the attendant obligingly removed a cone to allow me a parking space because “you’re an old friend” he said. As I finished parking Attendant came up to collect the fees and deliver the bombshell: ever so politely and affably he asked if he might have my phone number. What!!! I thought. “Why?” I asked. Well, he continued in the same affable way “maybe we can become friends because I don’t have a companion” “Uhuhh” I sputtered inwardly, while outwardly I laughingly made light of what was to me a most bewildering turn of events; he’d always been no more than courteous. The next day I had a meeting in that same building, and this time, as Attendant wrote out the receipt said he hoped I was not angry with him for his request his previous day. I said no. So, what does he do? He asks if he can give me his phone number, just in case I’d like to call him. What on earth was he thinking!!!! I’ve since settled on guessing that he hopes that if he tries this ploy often enough, he just might get a positive response from someone. Like spray from a machinegun you know? Actually, I remember a guy saying “A guy tries only because it’s the done thing” Oh guys, guys. That works with low hanging fruit or cheese sitting on a plate. Or is that your point?

With Colleague it was a different story. For weeks since he’d been given new responsibilities he’d been thumping his chest announcing “I’m Tarzan!” by reminding people around us of what they already knew. Then he tried stretching it to test the reach of his actual sphere of influence; or should I say dominance. The crunch came when – full of confidence – he wrote an email stating clearly “Me big Tarzan. You lesser Jane” My response after much thought? “Sorry Tarzan, I’m moving my ops to another part of the jungle." But it’s not going to be quite that simple is it?

Along comes Laser to troubleshoot. What a contrast to the others! Laser calmly lifted layer upon layer of the issues at hand exposing dark areas to his targeted pinpricks of light. He was surgically precise, cautious, exploratory, deliberate in his manner of approach; his message? “Let’s identify and acknowledge the gook, deal with it, and move on to the real business at hand, shall we?” Was he perhaps a surgeon in another life? Surgeons heal; don’t they?

To end this tale, I must tell you about Spouse who is the acknowledged doting brawn while she is the devoted brain in the twosome. They are an amazing couple with an incredibly healthy and loving relationship that seems to draw them even closer together each day (seriously!!), despite the punishing trials they are constantly bombarded with. Or maybe their closeness is because they have embraced their tribulations as 2 halves of a whole? Anyway (as usual) he was eavesdropping as she was telling me that she’d done a quiz which proclaimed that she uses both sides of the brain equally. Sauntering by, Spouse says, “Just because you use both sides equally, it doesn’t mean that you’ve got much of it, dear." I cracked up and quipped about delightfully humorous male minds, and we all broke into peals of laughter together! Ah! There’s a happy ending to the tale after all.

Why he Tattooed His Face

At the doorway, way across the crowded room, a late entrant to the party caught my eye – his face had a tattoo that was a permanent mask across an olive-skinned, well-chiseled face, framed by locks of Grecian cascading curls. Momentarily entranced, I gasped inwardly, captivated by this uniqueness. My first thought was ‘What on earth is his topic?’ While my second one was ‘I must get a photo of him!’

The Speakers’ Welcome Cocktail was abuzz with bonhomie. Old friends greeted each other heartily, new friends made warm, enthusiastic connections – goodwill simply spilled over with rapturous joy! Oh it was such a good feeling to be among international colleagues from 17 different countries across the globe, some of whom I’d only heard about and were ‘Learning & Development’ legends in their own right. And yes, I confess that I was happily enjoying the attention given to my professional niche too. But who was that speaker with the unique personal brand?

Ngahihi O Te Ra Bidois’ topic was ‘Ancient Wisdom Modern Solutions’. Interesting enough, but it did nothing to prepare his audience of 500 regional Human Resource professionals for what he had to say. The ballroom was packed; many were standing, and you could’ve heard a pin drop. No, this was no attempt to capitalize on tribal lore and turn it into Management Theory. The tattoo was barely 5 years old, and was a bold and determined proclamation of his purpose in life!

It shouted out his commitment to live out his beliefs: to answer the challenge ‘What do you weep for?’ and to do something about it. They embraced his core Purpose, which had been exposed when he crashed from “winner to loser”. At rock bottom (having plunged from the heights of financial success and social status) a teacher had challenged him to look into his soul and respond to its cry. So he did. His challenge to us was to do the same – search inward and be courageous enough to live out our innermost callings. My soul was moved to tears.

The symmetrical patterns from his ear to his chin declared that he had decided to rise to the challenges of leadership and speak out to direct people and mentor them. He had subjected himself to being tattooed Maori style from 8pm to 4am (!!!!!) to permanently declare that he had decided to courageously pursue his purpose and destiny i.e. to make his people - whose plight made him weep - and not profits, his bottom line. The tattoo was that of a leader of a tribe, signifying Ngahi would henceforth lead his people as his first priority. The profits had followed when he pursued his purpose.

Coincidentally, the day after hearing him I was a studio guest on the television series ‘Be Brave’ and had to respond impromptu to some very uncomfortably pointed questions. No doubt what Ngahi had said had seeped into my candid answers. I had come away from the Conference knowing that attitude triumphs over circumstance. And, I recalled another warrior against circumstances declaring to his world that “Faith and Courage bring Destiny”, with similar conviction. Thank you – both of you, for fortifying my own determination to achieve my core purpose!