It’s Merdeka = Freedom, Day! Freedom to choose, oh YES YES YES !!!! Evelyn’s Eyes snap open waaaaaay before sunrise to the mental pictures of the fascinating patterns of a kaleidoscope. The colored pieces fall according to the twists of the hands controlling the cylinder into intricate, multicolored patterns that can be changed at will. The image prompts waterfalls of rainbow thoughts darting into each other, fusing and harmonizing in the seductive darkness of pre-dawn – my favorite time of day.
Ted Kennedy twisted his cylinder to overcome his demons and embrace patterns of fullness, MJ twisted his cylinder to empower his demons to overcome him while still producing brilliant patterns for others to enjoy. Both were great men who have left lasting legacies of Good in their destined spheres, by choosing to embrace their potentials – each with his own methods of choice. One stretched life to as many years as he could, while the other allowed it to spin out of control into a downward spiral. Both squeezed every ounce of opportunity they could to influence millions and millions of people and provide positive relief and release. Power to them both! I want too!
And I, am awake to the myriad possibilities that the days ahead present to me and my ghosts, as nationalists, as friends, as lovers of life and pursuers of destiny / fate / pre-ordination; call it what you will. How excruciating to my heartstrings that though the outcomes might be ordained, the methods are ours to choose. NOOOOO! screams my thirsty soul, this Merdeka / Freedom Day. Must I choose instead of flow? Arghhh! For the common good, numerous parties, parades etc have been downsized to reduce the spread of the rampaging H1N1 virus. It’s been the postponement of pleasure and celebrations for later; when the virus has been thwarted or just mitigated even, so that joy can be fuller and more. The Ted Kennedy approach, indeed :)
But what choice patterns do the ghosts History (Soothing Blue), Almost Past (Growth Green) and Present (Defiant Vermillion) tempt me to twist and form through my kaleidoscope? History has materialized from nowhere – I thought he’d been laid to rest, but no. Despite my clear rejections, History had quite obviously not allowed the years to erase me from memory and had even diligently searched for my new location, appearing in the 21st century with declarations that reassure me of my inherent value. His letters assure me of the core of my identity and ground me in them. Almost Past has remained consistent – steadfast, loyal, anticipating my needs, encouraging, championing my causes, and speaking truths that consolidate my values. His faithful friendship and companionship have allowed me to grow verdantly and vibrantly. My kaleidoscopes’ blues and greens simply MUST be sustained if I want to achieve a legacy of greater, eventual good.
And what are the contributions of the multiple ghosts comprising my Present? That Defiant Vermillion of turbulence, calm, viruses, vision, stabs, laughter, toxin, balm – promises of absolutely nothing at all EXCEPT the results of how I choose to twist the cylinder of my kaleidoscope to mix and match the colored pieces. Interspersed through vermillion's palette are fragments of sensible yellow, cheeky orange, fun carmine, passionate scarlet, intoxicating rose, seductive claret, & heady port. Will a Ted Kennedy or an MJ emerge from the match that I mix? Can I derive a Lifeline of dependable, Pulsating Red?
And tomorrow brings September: my birth month which is named as the 7th month, the number biblically associated with fullness of purpose (7 days etc). It dawns with the promise of cyclical completion of what remains yet in motion. IF I twist the kaleidoscope wisely, the pattern will be a satisfying one sans the ravages of toxic elements in my life. Who and what are good for me?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
"Greatness comes with Shadows"
As my telly spews forth eulogies of the life of Ted Kennedy this title is one of the quotations that has stayed with me these recent hours. The others are “private actions affect public life” and “after he married Vicky he lost his demons” (BBC news interviews). Yes indeed, Life is complicated and thankfully, through the maze we CAN actually find our purpose.
Characteristically, amid the admiring praise for his numerous liberating legislations and outspoken declarations for social justice which have benefited the American people, the public still recalls tales of Ted Kennedy’s early womanizing and drinking. In the news, the ghosts of the scandal-tainted Chappaquiddick incident hover around his glorious accomplishments. But joy of joys, the Chappaquiddick incident - the darkest moment of his career - is also credited with eventually transforming him into one of the most highly regarded politicians in Congress.
The woman he married later on, Vicky, is credited with bringing out the best in him. Both were previously married with children, but had no children together, choosing instead to dedicate themselves to each other. She too had known scandal via her father (who had a conviction) and knew how to deal with its fallout gracefully. Quote “"And no one does a better job of protecting him, standing up for him, giving him good advice, even when he doesn't want to get it." said Sen Chris Dodd to ABC News in 2008. Quoting Vicki about marrying Ted: "I started to realize more and more that this man was very important in my life ... I just thought of marrying the man I was in love with and the family I had known. I didn't think beyond that." (NYTimes, 10/01/1992.)
Ted Kennedy himself said his life was about purpose and passion: his purpose was politics, but he found his passion in his marriage to Vicki. In calm waters as well as rough seas, Vicki Kennedy, was always seen at her husband's side, anchoring his public and personal life, with her trademark smile and strength. "Finding the love of his life … really did supply something that had been missing, and it showed," said Boston Globe political reporter Tom Oliphant on this morning’s news as I watched it, reflectively.
What does any of this have to do with Evelyn’s Eyes, you ask? Well, the news items remind me of the greatest human influence in my life – my late father who is never ever far from my mind. A great man who is still remembered by public figures (though he passed on many years ago), he is credited with being the epitome of a teacher who shaped the character of his students, without fear or favor – even of Sultans ha ha ha (who respected him, btw). One former Deputy Prime Minister still remembers him to his children today! The other side of the same coin was that he was full of fun and mischief – sometimes embarrassingly so when pretty women were around us, to the chagrin of my mother. Aha and ahem! But in private and in public he proudly and consistently treated ME as the centre of his universe – now wouldn’t you know that did not earn me any favors BUT it did give me confidence to always stand my ground regardless of any opposition. My father never ever let me down, though I – most regrettably - disappointed him many, many, times.
He and my mother were like chalk and cheese and she was strong and supportive of us in her own ways even though she was unlike our personalities. Today she still boastfully refers to me as a ‘chip of the old block’ who takes good care of her like my father always did, but whom she simply can’t understand. She doesn’t complain about that, though. Phew!
Yes people, this blog is a good excuse to pay tribute to both my parents who though great in different ways and each with their own shadows, have provided me with a stable compass to successfully navigate the perilous thunderstorms of Life, and - blessing of all - equipped me to share loving methods with others who are on their precarious journeys too. Am so thankful for my parents!
Characteristically, amid the admiring praise for his numerous liberating legislations and outspoken declarations for social justice which have benefited the American people, the public still recalls tales of Ted Kennedy’s early womanizing and drinking. In the news, the ghosts of the scandal-tainted Chappaquiddick incident hover around his glorious accomplishments. But joy of joys, the Chappaquiddick incident - the darkest moment of his career - is also credited with eventually transforming him into one of the most highly regarded politicians in Congress.
The woman he married later on, Vicky, is credited with bringing out the best in him. Both were previously married with children, but had no children together, choosing instead to dedicate themselves to each other. She too had known scandal via her father (who had a conviction) and knew how to deal with its fallout gracefully. Quote “"And no one does a better job of protecting him, standing up for him, giving him good advice, even when he doesn't want to get it." said Sen Chris Dodd to ABC News in 2008. Quoting Vicki about marrying Ted: "I started to realize more and more that this man was very important in my life ... I just thought of marrying the man I was in love with and the family I had known. I didn't think beyond that." (NYTimes, 10/01/1992.)
Ted Kennedy himself said his life was about purpose and passion: his purpose was politics, but he found his passion in his marriage to Vicki. In calm waters as well as rough seas, Vicki Kennedy, was always seen at her husband's side, anchoring his public and personal life, with her trademark smile and strength. "Finding the love of his life … really did supply something that had been missing, and it showed," said Boston Globe political reporter Tom Oliphant on this morning’s news as I watched it, reflectively.
What does any of this have to do with Evelyn’s Eyes, you ask? Well, the news items remind me of the greatest human influence in my life – my late father who is never ever far from my mind. A great man who is still remembered by public figures (though he passed on many years ago), he is credited with being the epitome of a teacher who shaped the character of his students, without fear or favor – even of Sultans ha ha ha (who respected him, btw). One former Deputy Prime Minister still remembers him to his children today! The other side of the same coin was that he was full of fun and mischief – sometimes embarrassingly so when pretty women were around us, to the chagrin of my mother. Aha and ahem! But in private and in public he proudly and consistently treated ME as the centre of his universe – now wouldn’t you know that did not earn me any favors BUT it did give me confidence to always stand my ground regardless of any opposition. My father never ever let me down, though I – most regrettably - disappointed him many, many, times.
He and my mother were like chalk and cheese and she was strong and supportive of us in her own ways even though she was unlike our personalities. Today she still boastfully refers to me as a ‘chip of the old block’ who takes good care of her like my father always did, but whom she simply can’t understand. She doesn’t complain about that, though. Phew!
Yes people, this blog is a good excuse to pay tribute to both my parents who though great in different ways and each with their own shadows, have provided me with a stable compass to successfully navigate the perilous thunderstorms of Life, and - blessing of all - equipped me to share loving methods with others who are on their precarious journeys too. Am so thankful for my parents!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Did the devil make me do it?
With anxious eyes she looked at my badge which declared ‘Happy to pray with you’ and asked for a few minutes in private. As I listened, her problem actually seemed to be a non-issue for her anyway. Hmmmm. So, I asked “Is there something else that is troubling you?” And THAT’s when the tears began streaming down her face uncontrollably. ‘sob, sob, sniff, sniff and sob again’ I reached for the box of tissues, touched her shoulder reassuringly, and prepared to listen as she poured her troubled heart out.
Lady was very happily married, had a great job, wonderful husband and a lovely, healthy toddler. Her relationship with her in-laws was a happy one too. BUT you know how it is when we push something to the back of our minds and pretend that it is therefore resolved, but know deep, deep within that it really isn’t?
That is what Lady had done when she had begun her relationship with the man who was now her husband. In her opinion; one of the choices she had made all those years ago was against her personal convictions but she went ahead and made it anyway. And although for all intents and purposes the world thought everything was fine, her conscience said that to her it was not. So we to-ed and fro-ed, criss-crossing the backroads of her mind, exploring what was really troubling her, confronted them, and presto! She was good to go – and just get on with the business of living life to the fullest with no bugbears niggling at her in the background. Joy oh joy, the next time we met she flashed a radiant, carefree smile at me. She had forgiven herself and was free, free FREE! Ha ha That’s the way it should be! God says so.
Now Woman had also given in to a bout of self-indulgence, but unlike Lady, had quite easily justified her actions to herself. Yeah, I did that, SO WHAT! Well, her problem was wondering whether her friends had excused her? The next time we all met up she defiantly strutted towards us with shoulders marching, almost daring someone to react unfavorably. But you know what? Everyone just took the day as any other, and Woman visibly relaxed and was able to be herself and get on with life. Unlike Lady, she had been looking for forgiveness from others. And she had got it too. YES!
In both cases accepting and giving forgiveness was the key to self-given permission for making a wholesome fresh start. Like it or not, we have to live with ourselves and also with others and there are consequences to what we do, whether we want to admit that or not. Lady and Woman happily got to a place where for them there was no more condemnation from anyone – just an expectation that the past was past indeed and that a new day meant a new beginning that did not include reverting to old indulgences that had been mistakes. They could start writing honestly on a clean new page for the benefit of the face in the mirror.
Sure, we can wallow and/or cringe in the opinions of others, but there’s no escaping that WE make our own choices. AND that we can choose to make each day a fresh start of new freedoms to live at peace with ourselves, and with those around us too, without obligation. God’s Promises are new every morning and His Love for each person is simply unconditional, and is there for the asking and taking. Happy Sunday peeps!
HA HA ☺:
The devil made me do it – Flip Wilson X
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions – Leonardo da Vinci √
Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true. – Demosthenes √
Lady was very happily married, had a great job, wonderful husband and a lovely, healthy toddler. Her relationship with her in-laws was a happy one too. BUT you know how it is when we push something to the back of our minds and pretend that it is therefore resolved, but know deep, deep within that it really isn’t?
That is what Lady had done when she had begun her relationship with the man who was now her husband. In her opinion; one of the choices she had made all those years ago was against her personal convictions but she went ahead and made it anyway. And although for all intents and purposes the world thought everything was fine, her conscience said that to her it was not. So we to-ed and fro-ed, criss-crossing the backroads of her mind, exploring what was really troubling her, confronted them, and presto! She was good to go – and just get on with the business of living life to the fullest with no bugbears niggling at her in the background. Joy oh joy, the next time we met she flashed a radiant, carefree smile at me. She had forgiven herself and was free, free FREE! Ha ha That’s the way it should be! God says so.
Now Woman had also given in to a bout of self-indulgence, but unlike Lady, had quite easily justified her actions to herself. Yeah, I did that, SO WHAT! Well, her problem was wondering whether her friends had excused her? The next time we all met up she defiantly strutted towards us with shoulders marching, almost daring someone to react unfavorably. But you know what? Everyone just took the day as any other, and Woman visibly relaxed and was able to be herself and get on with life. Unlike Lady, she had been looking for forgiveness from others. And she had got it too. YES!
In both cases accepting and giving forgiveness was the key to self-given permission for making a wholesome fresh start. Like it or not, we have to live with ourselves and also with others and there are consequences to what we do, whether we want to admit that or not. Lady and Woman happily got to a place where for them there was no more condemnation from anyone – just an expectation that the past was past indeed and that a new day meant a new beginning that did not include reverting to old indulgences that had been mistakes. They could start writing honestly on a clean new page for the benefit of the face in the mirror.
Sure, we can wallow and/or cringe in the opinions of others, but there’s no escaping that WE make our own choices. AND that we can choose to make each day a fresh start of new freedoms to live at peace with ourselves, and with those around us too, without obligation. God’s Promises are new every morning and His Love for each person is simply unconditional, and is there for the asking and taking. Happy Sunday peeps!
HA HA ☺:
The devil made me do it – Flip Wilson X
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions – Leonardo da Vinci √
Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true. – Demosthenes √
Thursday, August 20, 2009
An Ambassador is ......... huh?
Hello you! Would you like to be an Ambassador for Company ABC? All you need to do is quote “pay us RMX, we give one year’s supply of Y for your use and for each person you refer to us we pay you RMZ “. How tacky is that?!!!!
But that is precisely what was said to me as I sat in semi-amusement, as he offered to get someone to help me to sign on the dotted line. Boy oh boy! There was simply no diplomacy or finesse attached to this stark proposition at all! Simply put, it was offensive to sensibilities and it STANK! What was outrageous is that there are unsuspecting novices who fall for this ‘exalted position’ because they don’t even know what an Ambassador is! Has the designation degenerated to mean ‘salesperson’? What a sad, sad, aberration!
HOW did I find myself involved in such a conversation anyway? Well actually it was because a pair of nice, eager spanking new recruits had phoned the main office to talk about their products and of their interest in my group of credible, established, business networkers, that’s how. They themselves were fine guys and did a good job of explaining the up-market services within plush surroundings that this new, cash-rich company was embarking on. I do believe that their products will succeed in providing value to consumers but oh! the company should improve its tone of approach, for their own sakes. Brand delivery can make a world of difference to being sustainable.
The funny ha-ha side was how hard the so-called Marketing Director tried to sound convincing that he was doing me a favor. (Smile.) Did he even believe himself or was he mentally salivating over potential zeroes in his bank statements? The funnier side was that upon examining my calling card he was trying to relate his offer to my being a BNI (Business Network International) Ambassador. Hello, hello, buddy, there is NO comparison. Nada. None whatsoever. BNI does NOT pay its Ambassadors, and we don’t get referral fees or commissions either. We just help members to improve what they are doing – like chapter coaches if you will. In fact our code of ethics is pretty clear about all members living up to the BNI Philosophy of Givers Gain by building relationships, not ‘let’s work out how to transfer money from your wallet to mine’. (Shudder of disgust.) Ugh!
As I drove off to my next meeting my mind harked back to the original term of Ambassador i.e. the title of a senior diplomat who represents his or her country’s Government. And part of such an influential status actually meant not engaging in ANY form of commercial activity – that would only tarnish the image and credibility of that position.
In fact, the significance of being the representative of one’s Government was brought home to me during a time when the flaming hot international news was that a Government was on the verge of being toppled within 24 hours. I asked the incumbent Ambassador how he would position himself and if he was poised to go home if the Government did fall. What was his plain and simple reply? “My role is to stay on and represent the Government of the day regardless”. Ah! Such dedication to the duty of representation. But THAT is what Ambassadors do. They represent a system of governance, or set of qualities and promises (as in Brand Ambassadors), NOT COMMERCE!
But that is precisely what was said to me as I sat in semi-amusement, as he offered to get someone to help me to sign on the dotted line. Boy oh boy! There was simply no diplomacy or finesse attached to this stark proposition at all! Simply put, it was offensive to sensibilities and it STANK! What was outrageous is that there are unsuspecting novices who fall for this ‘exalted position’ because they don’t even know what an Ambassador is! Has the designation degenerated to mean ‘salesperson’? What a sad, sad, aberration!
HOW did I find myself involved in such a conversation anyway? Well actually it was because a pair of nice, eager spanking new recruits had phoned the main office to talk about their products and of their interest in my group of credible, established, business networkers, that’s how. They themselves were fine guys and did a good job of explaining the up-market services within plush surroundings that this new, cash-rich company was embarking on. I do believe that their products will succeed in providing value to consumers but oh! the company should improve its tone of approach, for their own sakes. Brand delivery can make a world of difference to being sustainable.
The funny ha-ha side was how hard the so-called Marketing Director tried to sound convincing that he was doing me a favor. (Smile.) Did he even believe himself or was he mentally salivating over potential zeroes in his bank statements? The funnier side was that upon examining my calling card he was trying to relate his offer to my being a BNI (Business Network International) Ambassador. Hello, hello, buddy, there is NO comparison. Nada. None whatsoever. BNI does NOT pay its Ambassadors, and we don’t get referral fees or commissions either. We just help members to improve what they are doing – like chapter coaches if you will. In fact our code of ethics is pretty clear about all members living up to the BNI Philosophy of Givers Gain by building relationships, not ‘let’s work out how to transfer money from your wallet to mine’. (Shudder of disgust.) Ugh!
As I drove off to my next meeting my mind harked back to the original term of Ambassador i.e. the title of a senior diplomat who represents his or her country’s Government. And part of such an influential status actually meant not engaging in ANY form of commercial activity – that would only tarnish the image and credibility of that position.
In fact, the significance of being the representative of one’s Government was brought home to me during a time when the flaming hot international news was that a Government was on the verge of being toppled within 24 hours. I asked the incumbent Ambassador how he would position himself and if he was poised to go home if the Government did fall. What was his plain and simple reply? “My role is to stay on and represent the Government of the day regardless”. Ah! Such dedication to the duty of representation. But THAT is what Ambassadors do. They represent a system of governance, or set of qualities and promises (as in Brand Ambassadors), NOT COMMERCE!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tangled Lines of Communication
How ridiculous! It would even be hilariously funny if I didn’t feel so frustrated ALL the time, that I am just not getting there!
You know what just happened? I had some pretty important business information to pass on and under normal circumstances it would have been so easy. But it is not so easy for me to do with TRIAL & TEMPTATION – referred to as TT from now.
Okay, so first off I’d better explain that TT is a bitter-sweet addition to the learning curve of my life; a blessing in so very many ways. Because of TT I have learnt to broaden my perspectives, be more encompassing, patient, persevering, accepting etc etc and that has been simply WONDERFUL growth for me. I love the improved me – easier on others around too (grin). Actually, knowing from numerous experiences that God has a sense of humour (Ha ha on me, Lord!) I have compared having TT in my life to being tamed. Yes, yes, I have needed to make some adjustments here and there, I do admit, and yes, yes, I have benefited but Oh, what excruciating effort it continues to be. (You onlookers who think I’m cool, calm and collected – think again. What you see belies the gurgling, steaming lava of emotions within this dormant volcano that is often tempted to erupt, spewing a myriad passionate expressions ranging from A to Z!! Aaargh!)
So anyway, I told TT about the information and TT motions to go outside to discuss it. Sound normal so far? BUT, someone else strikes up a conversation with TT as they smoke. I wait, expecting TT to say ‘excuse me but Evelyn and I have something to discuss’. No, that does not happen (see, I told you I’ve learnt patience) so I just say “let’s discuss it over food then” and walk inside where a group of us were about to begin a meal. What happens is TT sits with smoker instead of me, so I just mentally give up and get on with my own meal assuming that well, maybe TT actually does not want to hear about the business. But, no, actually TT does want to hear about it, and comes up to ask, WHILE I am seated elsewhere & conversing. So despite feeling awkward at talking about a private business matter in the hearing of someone who need not know those details, I do so anyway (looking deceptively unruffled, calm and composed I hope).
BUT I still had a burning issue to bring up with TT anyway and later on asked for private time, and got it, before joining the others. You know, by the time those minutes of discussion were completed my emotions were so jumbled that all I could do was leave immediately to escape being exposed to even more turmoil from the unexpected. Uh-huh yes, I ran, I’m afraid. On reflection, I really should have stayed on to chat and chill with other colleagues, as we don’t often have the opportunity to chat at leisure. That might have calmed my jangled nerves too. But hiding in solitude was SO much safer. Would I have stayed if anyone had asked me to? Why do I expect to be asked, when others just sit down and stay if they want to, anyway?
Here’s the rub – I simply DON’T know how to leapfrog across the chasm of the differing ways that TT and I handle things. TT works very well to just allow things to naturally evolve, while I have plan A mentally prepared and then B to fall back on as my comfort zone – both of us achieve success, it’s the bridging that requires consistent perseverance. I now can handle spontaneity well and zippidy-do-dah have been doing so by stepping up to the plate of unexpected circumstances since last week without distress. Oooo, well done, me! Pat on the back. That learning curve is being ridden.
In pursuit of mastering that learning curve - there’s a lesson lurking here somewhere for me to learn about how to surf the rollicking waves and still beach at a desired destination, isn’t there? TT says I think too much, but then the alternative is far too scary for me to consider. BOO!
You know what just happened? I had some pretty important business information to pass on and under normal circumstances it would have been so easy. But it is not so easy for me to do with TRIAL & TEMPTATION – referred to as TT from now.
Okay, so first off I’d better explain that TT is a bitter-sweet addition to the learning curve of my life; a blessing in so very many ways. Because of TT I have learnt to broaden my perspectives, be more encompassing, patient, persevering, accepting etc etc and that has been simply WONDERFUL growth for me. I love the improved me – easier on others around too (grin). Actually, knowing from numerous experiences that God has a sense of humour (Ha ha on me, Lord!) I have compared having TT in my life to being tamed. Yes, yes, I have needed to make some adjustments here and there, I do admit, and yes, yes, I have benefited but Oh, what excruciating effort it continues to be. (You onlookers who think I’m cool, calm and collected – think again. What you see belies the gurgling, steaming lava of emotions within this dormant volcano that is often tempted to erupt, spewing a myriad passionate expressions ranging from A to Z!! Aaargh!)
So anyway, I told TT about the information and TT motions to go outside to discuss it. Sound normal so far? BUT, someone else strikes up a conversation with TT as they smoke. I wait, expecting TT to say ‘excuse me but Evelyn and I have something to discuss’. No, that does not happen (see, I told you I’ve learnt patience) so I just say “let’s discuss it over food then” and walk inside where a group of us were about to begin a meal. What happens is TT sits with smoker instead of me, so I just mentally give up and get on with my own meal assuming that well, maybe TT actually does not want to hear about the business. But, no, actually TT does want to hear about it, and comes up to ask, WHILE I am seated elsewhere & conversing. So despite feeling awkward at talking about a private business matter in the hearing of someone who need not know those details, I do so anyway (looking deceptively unruffled, calm and composed I hope).
BUT I still had a burning issue to bring up with TT anyway and later on asked for private time, and got it, before joining the others. You know, by the time those minutes of discussion were completed my emotions were so jumbled that all I could do was leave immediately to escape being exposed to even more turmoil from the unexpected. Uh-huh yes, I ran, I’m afraid. On reflection, I really should have stayed on to chat and chill with other colleagues, as we don’t often have the opportunity to chat at leisure. That might have calmed my jangled nerves too. But hiding in solitude was SO much safer. Would I have stayed if anyone had asked me to? Why do I expect to be asked, when others just sit down and stay if they want to, anyway?
Here’s the rub – I simply DON’T know how to leapfrog across the chasm of the differing ways that TT and I handle things. TT works very well to just allow things to naturally evolve, while I have plan A mentally prepared and then B to fall back on as my comfort zone – both of us achieve success, it’s the bridging that requires consistent perseverance. I now can handle spontaneity well and zippidy-do-dah have been doing so by stepping up to the plate of unexpected circumstances since last week without distress. Oooo, well done, me! Pat on the back. That learning curve is being ridden.
In pursuit of mastering that learning curve - there’s a lesson lurking here somewhere for me to learn about how to surf the rollicking waves and still beach at a desired destination, isn’t there? TT says I think too much, but then the alternative is far too scary for me to consider. BOO!
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Gentlemanly Client
I replaced the china teacup on its matching saucer and he commented favorably on the mark that my carmine-red lipstick had left on the cup’s pristine white rim. Hmmm!!!!!!! The remark took me aback because most people would have been too absorbed in other things to even notice; but it shouldn’t have, as it really was quite typical of his multi-faceted nature.
He is quite unusual in that he is surgically precise in his dealings, razor sharp, quite demanding and unwavering in his objectives, and yet wraps his exchanges with people (male and female alike, of ALL ages) in impeccable manners that are personalized and yet without misleading, or being flirtatious. No lingering eye contact or prolonged handshakes which one encounters all too often. He is a consummate communicator par excellence indeed! He gets his point across without a whiff of creating false expectations that just might eventually sour relationships. His methods have worked exceedingly well - he has arrived at a position of immense influence in many countries, and amassed the thundering power and wealth that naturally accompanies that level of influence.
From our first business meeting Client had insisted that we would take tea together as we held our discussions – in fact on the couple of occasions he would even adjust the time of having his afternoon tea till I arrived, and his secretary would smilingly bring it in, within minutes of my sitting down. Perhaps it was our common familiarity with traditionally British ways of yore that had struck a rapport between us from the time we has first spoken – it was over the phone, when obviously our diction would have carried the greatest impact on our mutual perceptions of the unseen personality at the other end of the line.
Although he is busy making international deals he always returns my calls and messages promptly, emerges from his office to personally greet me and see me into it, and walks me to the elevator when I leave. The pointed questions I ask regarding progressions of our dealings are never avoided but always answered to clearly and accurately without giving too much of his part of the negotiations away.
But you know what has really endeared me to him? It was when – while we were waiting for someone to call back – he conspiratorially lowered his voice and asked “Would you like to see a picture of my old girlfriend? I still keep it in my wallet you know”. GULP. You could have knocked me down with a feather, but I struggled to keep my external composure and politely said “Of course. She must be very special to you if you have kept it all this time.” He took out his well-worn, leather wallet and fished into it to retrieve a faded, black-and-white photo yellowed and almost obscure now with age. He pointed to the male half of a stunningly attractive couple in their youth glowing into the camera and said “That was me.”
As he went on to lovingly describe the woman in the photo, I understood that while it had been taken when they were working on their professional qualifications, she had since become his wife and business partner – a challenging combination that had obviously withstood the grueling tests of time to become the ultimate couple who are now ‘two opposite halves of one whole entity’. Yin Yang.
I just can’t wait to meet her and anticipate being a witness to what must be an unwavering commitment that each one of them has kept – each one to being the fulfillment of the other. A very, very rare and invaluable stance. It reminds me of my days with the Kings: Barrington was a treasured supervisor and mentor who exuded a fearsome and commanding power over everyone (he was U.S. Ambassador Plenipotentiary), but whose eyes would instantly soften and features would melt when his beloved Sara walked in, even at a business meeting. Sweet! Precious, embalmingly Sweet!
He is quite unusual in that he is surgically precise in his dealings, razor sharp, quite demanding and unwavering in his objectives, and yet wraps his exchanges with people (male and female alike, of ALL ages) in impeccable manners that are personalized and yet without misleading, or being flirtatious. No lingering eye contact or prolonged handshakes which one encounters all too often. He is a consummate communicator par excellence indeed! He gets his point across without a whiff of creating false expectations that just might eventually sour relationships. His methods have worked exceedingly well - he has arrived at a position of immense influence in many countries, and amassed the thundering power and wealth that naturally accompanies that level of influence.
From our first business meeting Client had insisted that we would take tea together as we held our discussions – in fact on the couple of occasions he would even adjust the time of having his afternoon tea till I arrived, and his secretary would smilingly bring it in, within minutes of my sitting down. Perhaps it was our common familiarity with traditionally British ways of yore that had struck a rapport between us from the time we has first spoken – it was over the phone, when obviously our diction would have carried the greatest impact on our mutual perceptions of the unseen personality at the other end of the line.
Although he is busy making international deals he always returns my calls and messages promptly, emerges from his office to personally greet me and see me into it, and walks me to the elevator when I leave. The pointed questions I ask regarding progressions of our dealings are never avoided but always answered to clearly and accurately without giving too much of his part of the negotiations away.
But you know what has really endeared me to him? It was when – while we were waiting for someone to call back – he conspiratorially lowered his voice and asked “Would you like to see a picture of my old girlfriend? I still keep it in my wallet you know”. GULP. You could have knocked me down with a feather, but I struggled to keep my external composure and politely said “Of course. She must be very special to you if you have kept it all this time.” He took out his well-worn, leather wallet and fished into it to retrieve a faded, black-and-white photo yellowed and almost obscure now with age. He pointed to the male half of a stunningly attractive couple in their youth glowing into the camera and said “That was me.”
As he went on to lovingly describe the woman in the photo, I understood that while it had been taken when they were working on their professional qualifications, she had since become his wife and business partner – a challenging combination that had obviously withstood the grueling tests of time to become the ultimate couple who are now ‘two opposite halves of one whole entity’. Yin Yang.
I just can’t wait to meet her and anticipate being a witness to what must be an unwavering commitment that each one of them has kept – each one to being the fulfillment of the other. A very, very rare and invaluable stance. It reminds me of my days with the Kings: Barrington was a treasured supervisor and mentor who exuded a fearsome and commanding power over everyone (he was U.S. Ambassador Plenipotentiary), but whose eyes would instantly soften and features would melt when his beloved Sara walked in, even at a business meeting. Sweet! Precious, embalmingly Sweet!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The Joys of Connectivity!
OMG – we’d been Skype-chatting for 2 hours already and there was STILL more to share as we caught up. Finally, PP had created an account, and we were savoring the delights of unlimited conversation, as starved as we were for the cozy chats we used to share before she moved away.
She’s also been indoctrinated into the joys of social networking and was now adding to her list of friends to share photos and news with. Have I said how I just LOVE new media for staying in touch with all and sundry? YES I DO!!!
But my friendship with PP? Now, THAT is extra special. It’s been about 9 years since we first met – just 2 random people in the same church cell group. PP had many questions to ask about our groups’ topics of discussion, and was also single-handedly caring for her terminally ill mother. Her life was full but she still found time to encourage other cancer patients too – she had found a satisfying vocation there which she continues to engage in whenever the opportunity presents itself. Admirable, don’t you think? My own rigid life was engaged in the diametrically opposite structured corporate sector and we kept in touch only when friends with terminally ill relatives needed prayer or other support. She and I really had absolutely nothing in common, apart from sharing a deeply-rooted commitment to being the best that we can be, within our skill sets. So HOW did we become bosom buddies? She laughingly says now that she used to find me ‘distant’ though friendly - oh dearie me, where have I heard THAT before? Ahem! Hem!
Anyway, along the way we somehow found ourselves on opposite sides of a common issue that inflamed our mutual sense of justice with an unquenchable desire to set aright, despite stone walls and intrigue. That closed the social distance between us. As we discussed how to help out, we exchanged backgrounds and found that we come from 2 vastly different worlds (um, can this even be on the same planet!?). She had not told anyone about hers for good reason, it sounded like something out of a heart-wrenching storybook to me. But the mutual sharing of our family secrets led to trust and later confidence and then to the ability to laugh together about issues surrounding our lives, and to offer each other stark moral support without frills. Have you noticed how laughter melts icicles and brings streams that irrigate orchards and gardens? Ahhh. Jocular bliss.
Then a job took her away and we caught up on chats when she returned every few weeks. BUT somehow those gaps were toooooooo long and everytime I got into a mental pickle and wanted to chat with someone who understands me, I missed hearing her incisive, challenging, wisdom. It was vice versa too. Uh-huh, that’s right – it is the blatant honesty between us that is SO very valuable, because it is shared from a common desire to help each other to improve, without pretence. Don’t you too have someone or 2 you like to vent with? You know, as I would drive away from an unbelievably idiotic meeting, or pondered over my own bungling responses (aargh yes, not yet again!) in a situation, I would sometimes indulge in calling her long-distance to get her insights into others’ perspectives. Oh, how enlarging it has been for me to hear perceptions from a vastly different world to mine! Especially so, when my work entails relating to people with social/cultural/religious/political/ etc etc , differing expectations to what I was used to.
Quite honestly, the trials and tribulations of being smacked in the face with ‘norms’ that are alien to me have made me a far better-aligned person, because of her helpful insights. Instead of continuing my attempts as the proverbial ‘bull in a china shop’ the insights have helped me to broaden my thinking and build bridges that enhance relationships. And now WE HAVE NEW MEDIA despite the physical distance between us. Did I say already that I just love the technical connectivity that enables the emotional connectivity which makes the world go round? Hey! There’s the likes of Fring too you know! Ha ha ha Mobility rules!!!! OH YES!
She’s also been indoctrinated into the joys of social networking and was now adding to her list of friends to share photos and news with. Have I said how I just LOVE new media for staying in touch with all and sundry? YES I DO!!!
But my friendship with PP? Now, THAT is extra special. It’s been about 9 years since we first met – just 2 random people in the same church cell group. PP had many questions to ask about our groups’ topics of discussion, and was also single-handedly caring for her terminally ill mother. Her life was full but she still found time to encourage other cancer patients too – she had found a satisfying vocation there which she continues to engage in whenever the opportunity presents itself. Admirable, don’t you think? My own rigid life was engaged in the diametrically opposite structured corporate sector and we kept in touch only when friends with terminally ill relatives needed prayer or other support. She and I really had absolutely nothing in common, apart from sharing a deeply-rooted commitment to being the best that we can be, within our skill sets. So HOW did we become bosom buddies? She laughingly says now that she used to find me ‘distant’ though friendly - oh dearie me, where have I heard THAT before? Ahem! Hem!
Anyway, along the way we somehow found ourselves on opposite sides of a common issue that inflamed our mutual sense of justice with an unquenchable desire to set aright, despite stone walls and intrigue. That closed the social distance between us. As we discussed how to help out, we exchanged backgrounds and found that we come from 2 vastly different worlds (um, can this even be on the same planet!?). She had not told anyone about hers for good reason, it sounded like something out of a heart-wrenching storybook to me. But the mutual sharing of our family secrets led to trust and later confidence and then to the ability to laugh together about issues surrounding our lives, and to offer each other stark moral support without frills. Have you noticed how laughter melts icicles and brings streams that irrigate orchards and gardens? Ahhh. Jocular bliss.
Then a job took her away and we caught up on chats when she returned every few weeks. BUT somehow those gaps were toooooooo long and everytime I got into a mental pickle and wanted to chat with someone who understands me, I missed hearing her incisive, challenging, wisdom. It was vice versa too. Uh-huh, that’s right – it is the blatant honesty between us that is SO very valuable, because it is shared from a common desire to help each other to improve, without pretence. Don’t you too have someone or 2 you like to vent with? You know, as I would drive away from an unbelievably idiotic meeting, or pondered over my own bungling responses (aargh yes, not yet again!) in a situation, I would sometimes indulge in calling her long-distance to get her insights into others’ perspectives. Oh, how enlarging it has been for me to hear perceptions from a vastly different world to mine! Especially so, when my work entails relating to people with social/cultural/religious/political/ etc etc , differing expectations to what I was used to.
Quite honestly, the trials and tribulations of being smacked in the face with ‘norms’ that are alien to me have made me a far better-aligned person, because of her helpful insights. Instead of continuing my attempts as the proverbial ‘bull in a china shop’ the insights have helped me to broaden my thinking and build bridges that enhance relationships. And now WE HAVE NEW MEDIA despite the physical distance between us. Did I say already that I just love the technical connectivity that enables the emotional connectivity which makes the world go round? Hey! There’s the likes of Fring too you know! Ha ha ha Mobility rules!!!! OH YES!
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