Tangled Lines of Communication

How ridiculous! It would even be hilariously funny if I didn’t feel so frustrated ALL the time, that I am just not getting there!

You know what just happened? I had some pretty important business information to pass on and under normal circumstances it would have been so easy. But it is not so easy for me to do with TRIAL & TEMPTATION – referred to as TT from now.

Okay, so first off I’d better explain that TT is a bitter-sweet addition to the learning curve of my life; a blessing in so very many ways. Because of TT I have learnt to broaden my perspectives, be more encompassing, patient, persevering, accepting etc etc and that has been simply WONDERFUL growth for me. I love the improved me – easier on others around too (grin). Actually, knowing from numerous experiences that God has a sense of humour (Ha ha on me, Lord!) I have compared having TT in my life to being tamed. Yes, yes, I have needed to make some adjustments here and there, I do admit, and yes, yes, I have benefited but Oh, what excruciating effort it continues to be. (You onlookers who think I’m cool, calm and collected – think again. What you see belies the gurgling, steaming lava of emotions within this dormant volcano that is often tempted to erupt, spewing a myriad passionate expressions ranging from A to Z!! Aaargh!)

So anyway, I told TT about the information and TT motions to go outside to discuss it. Sound normal so far? BUT, someone else strikes up a conversation with TT as they smoke. I wait, expecting TT to say ‘excuse me but Evelyn and I have something to discuss’. No, that does not happen (see, I told you I’ve learnt patience) so I just say “let’s discuss it over food then” and walk inside where a group of us were about to begin a meal. What happens is TT sits with smoker instead of me, so I just mentally give up and get on with my own meal assuming that well, maybe TT actually does not want to hear about the business. But, no, actually TT does want to hear about it, and comes up to ask, WHILE I am seated elsewhere & conversing. So despite feeling awkward at talking about a private business matter in the hearing of someone who need not know those details, I do so anyway (looking deceptively unruffled, calm and composed I hope).

BUT I still had a burning issue to bring up with TT anyway and later on asked for private time, and got it, before joining the others. You know, by the time those minutes of discussion were completed my emotions were so jumbled that all I could do was leave immediately to escape being exposed to even more turmoil from the unexpected. Uh-huh yes, I ran, I’m afraid. On reflection, I really should have stayed on to chat and chill with other colleagues, as we don’t often have the opportunity to chat at leisure. That might have calmed my jangled nerves too. But hiding in solitude was SO much safer. Would I have stayed if anyone had asked me to? Why do I expect to be asked, when others just sit down and stay if they want to, anyway?

Here’s the rub – I simply DON’T know how to leapfrog across the chasm of the differing ways that TT and I handle things. TT works very well to just allow things to naturally evolve, while I have plan A mentally prepared and then B to fall back on as my comfort zone – both of us achieve success, it’s the bridging that requires consistent perseverance. I now can handle spontaneity well and zippidy-do-dah have been doing so by stepping up to the plate of unexpected circumstances since last week without distress. Oooo, well done, me! Pat on the back. That learning curve is being ridden.

In pursuit of mastering that learning curve - there’s a lesson lurking here somewhere for me to learn about how to surf the rollicking waves and still beach at a desired destination, isn’t there? TT says I think too much, but then the alternative is far too scary for me to consider. BOO!